Forever Wandering
by White Rabbit Tale
Summary: Only part of her had begun to let go, but the other felt the full blast of guilt and betrayal. Only part of him had begun to forgive her, for the other, acceptance may come too late. At the end of every tale there comes a beginning. Sequel fic.
1. Bleed

**Disclaimer: Everything that does not belong to me, belongs to Nobuhiro Watsuki and associates (Jump Comics, Shueisha Inc. etc.) Everything that does belong to me, does not belong to you.**

A/N: Wow. Finally I've written chapter one. It was no easy task, starting this. I always have trouble when transitioning between fanfics. It's so weird to think that _Buried Path _is done and _Forever Wandering _is finally beginning.

A couple announcements before you go on: I recently had two very lovely drawings of Naruku done by some acquaintances (Anithene and Yukimiya.) If you'd like to see them, they can be found at my homepage, Kenshin, etc.

Also, for those of you who are familiar with the RKRC awards, it may interest you to know that I have been nominated as Author of the Year (2003-2004) and also _Walking on Mirrors _was nominated for Best New Character fic. See my profile for more details!

Now that that's out of the way, I hope you enjoy the very first chapter of _Forever Wandering._

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-PART ONE-

* * *

_Lie to me_

_Convince me that I've been sick forever_

_And all of this will make sense when I get better_

--Evanescence "Breathe No More"

**Chapter One**

**Bleed**

**O**n the ninth morning of April, 13th year of the Meiji, Megumi stood alone on a bridge overlooking crystalline waters and falling sakura blossoms. She stood and breathed in amidst the sighing spring wind and gurgling waters blow her. A scuffle of footsteps broke her silence and she looked up to see Kaoru making her way toward the older woman. 

The young shihondai came to a stop beside Megumi, casting her blue eyes out toward the waters. A small laugh escaped her as she gently closed her eyes.

"What is so amusing?" Megumi probed the other woman.

"Oh, nothing," Kaoru said, revealing the vibrancy of her blue eyes once again. "I just feel like we're in Kyoto again, and you're telling me to get my act together for Kenshin's sake."

Megumi let a few moments of silence to pass before answering. "Ken-san has always been the one who brought us together. Everyone. You and I. He is what we have in common."

Kaoru tilted her head and thought about this, but did not disagree. "Megumi-san, why did you want to see me this morning?"

"How have things been going with everyone? I've been so busy lately…even Sanosuke has noticed."

Kaoru let a faint smile flit onto her lips. "It's a little crowded, but nothing we can't manage."

Megumi frowned. "Kaoru-chan, do not lie to me. You have seven people staying in a place only fit for four. As much as I don't want to bring it up, you aren't exactly the richest girl in Tokyo, either. Did you ever think your maternal instincts are getting the best of you?"

Kaoru fumed. "I didn't come here to get scolded by you," she said. "And we _are_ doing fine, really. Soujiro-san wanted to stay at a nearby inn but…I feel that our hospitality is the least we can offer for what he did. He risked his life for us…and we barely know him at all." She bit her lip.

Megumi nodded, not wanting to press the matter. She knew that everyone was grateful to Kaoru and wanted to do what they could to help her out...but it seemed sometimes that Kaoru's kindness stretched too far. Megumi knew every time Aoshi or anyone else suggested they get on their way and leave her, Kaoru would merely refute with "Oh, don't be silly, we'll manage."

She worried but also knew it was none of her concern.

"Yahiko keeps pestering Kenshin," Kaoru said, changing the subject. "It's almost like it was when he first came here. He wants to have Kenshin train him."

"I thought he was happy learning Kamiya Kasshin," Megumi commented, surprise showing on her features. "Why would he be doing this?"

Kaoru nodded. "I don't think he thinks of it as insulting my swordsmanship. He has always wanted to be like Kenshin so much…I guess I just have to realize that that hasn't changed. Perhaps it never will."

"What about Naruku?"

The second the words were out of her mouth, Megumi regretted them. Kaoru immediately looked down, her eyes glazing over, her expression hard and impenetrable.

"I mean, what about her own training with Kenshin?" Megumi amended quietly.

Kaoru shook her head, speaking slowly. "Yahiko hasn't even though of that, I don't think. He's not trying to take her place as Kenshin's student…he is just thinking about himself and what he wants as a swordsman. Something seems to have changed, and somehow he thinks he needs to be stronger than he is. I think he needs to realize that he _is_ a strong kid. He has already done so much. He is just as strong as Kenshin was at that age. Perhaps even more so."

"Forgive me, but all this talk of strength and swordsmanship finds me uninterested. How is Ken-san doing after what happened at Castle Edo?"

Kaoru held eye contact with the doctor as she replied. "If there is any lasting damage, I can't see it. He has no injuries, as you know. It was almost as if his battle against Enizu was simple and easy for him, if I didn't know better. But I think he's very confused right now. He doesn't really know what he should be doing after all that…and you remember what he almost did to Naruku. I think that is still haunting him at some level." She glanced at Megumi, who seemed unfazed by this.

"Did he tell you about 'Tomoe'?" Kaoru's next question came out uncertain and quiet.

Megumi nodded. "I didn't hear the entire story…but he mentioned her to me the day before Naruku woke up."

"It's surprising but…I always knew something like that haunted him," Kaoru said. "It's surprising because he didn't speak of it before. But I know he sees what happened with Enizu as related to Tomoe-san."

"That worries me. He should not be dwelling in the past, not at a time like this."

"It worries me because he didn't say a word of it to Naruku," Kaoru responded, and then backtracked to what Megumi had said. "Wait, what's 'a time like this,' Megumi-san?"

Megumi took a deep breath. "Kaoru-chan, don't you see? Things are changing. It's hard for you to admit it, but you know things aren't going to remain this way forever. People will leave, and we won't be this close forever," she said. "For goodness sake, it's nothing to cry about! It's just the way of life," she said in response to a tear that had trickled down Kaoru's cheek.

"I know," Kaoru said thickly. "But…why can't it? Stay like this, I mean."

Megumi shook her head. In some ways, Kaoru was still such a child. "If you don't know that by now, I suppose it's something you will never learn. But, just know, there will be many goodbyes in your life, and not all of them have to be sad."

* * *

_April 11_

_Meiji 13_

_Every day, I see her face and it never changes. There is a scar that wasn't there before. It cuts across the outermost corner of her right eye and disappears behind unkempt hair. It is the only thing she seems to notice, that scar. Everything else is outside of her walls. I have seen her like this before. I know she has been this way, three times. But she always had something to hold on to. Now she waits on nothing, grasps nothing and has nothing to keep herself anchored. She is simply in limbo. Forever, perhaps. _

_ But gods—how I hate seeing that face. And love it, too. It is impossible to know what she is thinking, and what will snap her out of this aimless drifting. Some days she sits outside in the courtyard, wandering around there for hours, not saying a word or responding to the things around her. Fresh blooming flowers and tweeting birds are of no concern to her. Spring, birth and life do not reach her. _

_ It seems like that moment in the clinic was a wonderful glimpse into an ever-fleeting future. The minutes after she had woken up were incredible, but it is as if that person has ceased to exist. I only wonder what I must do to bring her back._

Naruku sat in her room, facing a rectangular mirror that lay propped against her wall. She held the gaze of her reflection, breathing carefully and methodically. She didn't know how long she had been sitting there, staring at her own forlorn image. She traced the scar across her face with two fingers. She thought that somehow, there was something on the other side of the reflective glass.

She stared hard at her face. It looked strangely warped in the mirror. She couldn't tell why, but it made her angry. She felt as though her reflection was minimizing her existence, blocking her out.

In one swift movement she struck the glass with her fist and watched as the pieces fell and shattered. It captivated her, watching each little piece of glass fall, each carrying its own part of her reflection. The skin of her neck, the corner of her eye, the tip of her finger. Each piece carried just that small piece of evidence, but it was enough to cut into her soul, to rip the flesh of her knuckle.

She saw the blood that leaked from her fist and felt the pain, but she did not react. Her eyes fell to a shard lying next to her knee. In it, she could see most of her face. She hesitantly reached out to touch it, that girl who saw her suffering. But when Naruku tried to reach out, she bled.

She watched the drops of blood fall and in some far away part of her mind, she wished she could lie to herself, that anyone would. They could tell her something was wrong with her, she was ill; she was suffering a brain malfunction. Then she could be fixed, could be taken to the doctor and sorted out and suddenly she wouldn't suffer, and she'd understand instead.

But she knew that wasn't it, that whatever was ailing her was of her own accord. She glanced at the broken remains of the mirror and there she saw her face. She studied it meticulously. It was not her, she could see the difference. But one nagging part of her wondered—who did she want to be? Herself, this despondent, bitter girl on a crash-course, or her reflection, who, in her own world, did not have to have these problems or feel this agony.

And then…Naruku took a breath and held it. She watched red drops of blood run down her fingers. Who did Kenshin want her to be?

* * *

Sano waited, along with three others, his chin tucked into his chest, his eyes closed.

The silence was all encompassing, and he felt he was back where he was a week ago, waiting on edge for Naruku to heal, to come back to them. But this time it was different. Different in a way that was frightening.

He opened one eye to scan the rest of the room. Kaoru, Aoshi and Kenshin sat in the room with him, all in similar poses, their heads down, their eyes shut.

Except for Kaoru. She was curled up on the ground, hugging herself, tears threatening to spill over her cheeks.

She was the one who had found Naruku, lying on the bedroom floor, blood covering her hands and shards of glass scattered around her. The following shriek from Kaoru had alerted everyone in the dojo of this catastrophe and not a moment was wasted in rushing Naruku to the clinic.

Now they sat in wait, like they had so many times before.

Megumi entered the room, sliding the door shut quietly behind her. Four pairs of eyes flickered open and toward the grave lady-doctor.

"Megumi-dono," Kenshin spoke in a raspy voice, his face looking panicked and impatient.

"She's okay, but…" she closed her eyes briefly. "It's not the injury that worries me, but the origin of her actions. She is awake now, but she hasn't said a word. If she does something like this again…"

"What? You mean—she wasn't trying to…to kill herself…was she?"

Megumi shook her head. "No, I don't believe Naruku was trying to take her own life. But until she starts talking to us again, she is a danger to herself. Please make sure and incident like this does not happen again."

The others all nodded, exchanging solemn expressions. Seconds later, Yahiko burst through the door, nearly knocking Megumi to the ground.

"Woah, watch it kid," Sano said as he set Megumi right.

Yahiko gave a faint nod, breathing heavily. "I heard what happened," he choked out between inhaling and exhaling. "I got over here as soon as I could. Is she okay?"

Megumi nodded, still a little unnerved by Yahiko's sudden entrance.

Yahiko sighed and threw himself onto the ground, slumping against the wall. They lapsed into silence again, unbeknownst that just on the other side of the door Naruku was crouched, clutching at the handle, her eyes wide open.

She suddenly felt a wonderful detachment from her body, as if she were someone else. Someone, perhaps sitting in that room with everyone else, worrying for the sake of her friend.

But she _was _that friend, and they were all worried about _her. _She closed her eyes and slowly shook her head. Why did she have to be that person? Why did she have to be so broken?

Her thoughts were interrupted as someone threw the door open forcefully.

Naruku sunk down against the wall, hoping she wouldn't be seen.

Out came Sano, his chin jutted out, his feet shuffling dolefully. His eyes fell on Naruku who sat curled up, hiding her head in her arms.

He wasn't sure whether to be disgusted or sympathetic, so instead he let his gaze slide right off of her as he made his way down the hall. He couldn't stand seeing her like that, seeing them all so tense and scared. He knew it was stupid, but he wished everyone could just get over it and be how they usually were. Then he wouldn't feel so cramped, so suffocated in a town that just seemed to grow smaller everyday.

* * *

Yahiko knew the moment they arrived back from the clinic that something was different. Why hadn't they all been together when Naruku had hurt herself? Why hadn't they all rushed over in one big group? 

He had been at the Akabeko, where he seemed to be spending almost half his time lately. Misao and Soujiro…no one really knew where they were, but it was sad in a way that neither of them found out what had happened until Naruku and the others had arrived back home safely.

He felt that everyone was growing away from each other, the way tree roots grew out and away so they wouldn't run into each other. But was this happening to ensure everyone their own share of space and growth, or was it something else? Something that _drove_ them apart, breaking the seams between them?

Yahiko did not like their closeness being compromised, but on the other hand, he had no way to stop it, either. What would make him feel better, more assured, was to have someone to blame it on. Naruku seemed to be the clear choice, but…no, he couldn't do that. It was no one's fault. Or, maybe, it was everyone's.

Sometimes he wondered if he was just imagining things, and if this was just another hurdle that they had yet to overcome. Maybe everything would be just how it was when it was over.

But it was hard to ignore how little attention Kaoru seemed to pay him during their practices. Was this because of Aoshi, or was it just a force of nature?

And then Yahiko noticed how much he himself seemed to shift away from the others, growing more independent, more moody. That didn't seem like something he could stop, either. It was hard to draw the line between ordinary and anomaly.

He sighed and picked up his shinai, thinking he'd head into the drill hall to do some more training. It surprised him when he entered to dojo to find someone already standing there, facing away from him and toward the name plaques that lined the walls.

It was Sano, a white bag slung over his shoulder carelessly.

"Hey," Yahiko called out. "What are you doing here?"

Sano turned. "Jou-chan took down quite a few of these," he said, motioning towards the tablets on the wall that named each Kamiya Kasshin student. "Why?"

Yahiko shrugged and walked further into the drill hall, nearing where Sano stood. "People stopped showing up. The ones who weren't really serious about kendo…good riddance, I say."

"Still, it's gotta make her a bit sad, eh?" Sano said, a lopsided smile on his face.

Yahiko shrugged once again. "I don't know. Maybe. I think most of them heard something that made them not want to come back. Like what happened before, when Kaoru first met Kenshin. They must have heard something about Enizu."

"Or maybe just realized they didn't stand a chance against Shinomori," Sano snorted.

Yahiko blinked. "What?"

Sano didn't answer. "So, who _is_ left?"

"Well, no one has showed up in the past week. I saw Giichi-kun on the street a couple days ago. It seems like he'll be coming back. Yuki-kun always seemed to be really serious about it. I think he'll end up coming back."

Sano nodded. "Well, just make sure you keep training hard, Yahiko. One day you'll have to be teaching my kids."

"Of course I'll train hard, baka. And what makes you think you'll get kids anyway, moron? Sheesh," Yahiko scowled. But his heart felt somewhat lightened by these words.

He kept thinking about it after Sano had left and Yahiko had started up his kata. If things seemed hopeless and desperate now, maybe at some point that could change. It had in the past. It could happen again, and in the meantime, Yahiko would take everything in stride.

* * *

_**Bleed**_--end

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A/N: Like the last chapter of _Buried Path,_ I didn't know how this chapter would end up playing out. Clearly there's a lot of foreshadowing going on here, and I can only hope I started this off so it was interesting and captivating. Please leave your comments and I will update as soon as I can!


	2. Leave

**Disclaimer: Everything that does not belong to me, belongs to Nobuhiro Watsuki and associates (Jump Comics, Shueisha Inc. etc.) Everything that does belong to me, does not belong to you.**

A/N: Chapter two is finally here! It's a bit later than I would have liked…I'd forgotten how much life and homework can take time away! I'll be trying to get these chapters out quick and painlessly, you know? Thank you everyone for the lovely reviews, you have no idea how much they really help me and make me happy.

Crewel: Oh, I've been planning this fic for quite a while. Since I started _Buried Path, _I think. Some parts are even from before then. I'm flattered that you think I'm skilled. There will definitely be some SanoxMegumi to come.

Zioncross: Actually, I'd probably not believe you. Thanks, I'm glad you liked chapter one. I don't exactly know what you mean by "post-Flay Allstar Syndrome" but your advice is certainly inspiring. Lol. I'm glad that you're able to nit-pick at my typos and errors like that—it helps me a _lot, _and I hate having errors. So I've fixed it. Yay.

Kie-san: I never should have written that fic at all, huh? Oh well, it's not like you'd ever expect me to write angst or—gasp! Tragedy, now did you? I think you will like this next chapter…very a lot…especially the end. :wink:

Megumi: Sano and Megumi are great! I'm glad you like my writing, that means a lot.

One and Only: Oh, thanks! I'm so excited about that. I think the italics part gets much clearer in this chapter. I _can _tell you that it is in first person and I'm using the italics bits to jump over days and weeks so the time-line doesn't become confusing. I'm glad you liked all of my descriptions and such…

Sakura's Shadows: Wow, someone new! Thanks for the encouragement. It's good to know someone's interested.

Long Island Grace: Aww…you're so sweet as usual. I'm glad you got my interpretation of Megumi and Kaoru. I'm so proud that I wrote it in an accessible way. Who's point of view that is becomes almost strikingly clear this chapter. I'm also glad you've taken well to Naruku's…er, crazyish behavior here. I thought you might be indignant. If there's one person who would tell me that my own OC is out of character, it would be you. About Sano…you'll find out in a few seconds. And good point about Misao, I hadn't even thought of that!

Sueb262: Wow. Thanks for reviewing, I really admire a lot of your fics, so thanks for dropping by and all. I'm glad you liked my first chapter—and I know it's annoying to have to read another fic to get this one. But, you know, you'd only do it if you were really up to it. Thanks again!

"Oro" Object: Yup, new fic started and now we're at chapter two! I put it under Sano/Megumi, but that will change in part two. Sorry. Thanks for the review.

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-PART ONE-

* * *

_Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact._ -William James

**Chapter Two  
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**Leave**

**_A_**_pril 22_

_ Meiji 13_

_Sano has left us. He was here one day, and the next simply gone. I don't know what he has planned—knowing him, he probably doesn't have anything planned. I suppose it was time he wandered again. He has left a sad a bitter woman in his wake, loathe though she is to admit it. Megumi-dono goes on with life, if only a little life has left her._

_ It is hard on all of us to see our friends go, but I have faith that Sano will be back. He may end up somewhere as far as China or Mongolia, but I know he will be back._

_ As for the dojo…it has been getting harder every day. I see Yahiko growing and maturing, I see Kaoru-dono trying to hold on to all of us. Naruku seems frozen in time. I almost don't know how to function in such a place. And yet…I know it will get better. It must. _

Sometimes it felt good just to be able to look up at the noon sky and think of absolutely nothing. As Sano traveled through the winding dirt roads, this is what he thought.

He didn't know what made him suddenly so prone to running away. That had always been what Naruku was good at, as much as Sano didn't like thinking of his friend that way.

But he wasn't running away this time, not exactly. At least, he wasn't running _from_ anything…but he wasn't running _to _anything either. So that meant he was going nowhere, but Sano hated being in standstill. No matter how lonely he got, no matter how tired, he would be glad that at the very least, he was going somewhere. On a mission. _Doing _something with himself.

Not to drag up what's buried, but Sano felt that it was a dishonor to the Sekihoutai and his dead captain if he, one of the few survivors, lived his life without purpose, without seeing things worth seeing. Something beyond Yokohama harbor.

He didn't know where this ship would take him exactly, or the next one, but wherever it was, it would be worth seeing.

* * *

Kaoru was by far the most shocked by Sano's departure. Not to say that she was any more upset than Megumi—in fact, Megumi was more distressed. But the doctor was not shocked. Somewhere inside, she had expected it. She had anticipated Sano's flight, even predicted that he would not say goodbye. He wasn't Kenshin, after all. 

But Kaoru was so surprised by Sano's departure, so stunned that he would do that. The corners of her mouth had crumbled slightly, so there was no bright smile to adorn her face. Just a sort of half-hearted one, a smile that didn't reach her eyes. She was missing her spirit, her exuberance.

Kenshin, too, was affected by his friend's disappearance. Sano was always light-hearted and cheery, something that the rurouni needed to see every once in a while from someone, now that Naruku had lost all of that disposition. Now he had only Misao to rely on for optimism and liveliness, but Misao was doing something with Soujiro more often than not.

Ever since Sano had left, Misao had been spending more and more time with her ronin. It was almost as if she thought that because Sano had left, Soujiro would suddenly remember that he was supposed to be off wandering and not laying in the grass with a certain ninja girl. Not to say that Misao was any less vivacious or any less spirited, but sometimes her smile would drop off her face and she would bite her lip, as if just waiting for that moment when Soujiro would announce he had to go, he didn't need her anymore, he'd write her, if she was lucky.

It was a shame that Misao couldn't see as clearly as everyone else did how completely smitten Soujiro was. The thought if leaving her was had not even seriously crossed his mind. He'd toyed with the idea once or twice, but then he'd glance back at Misao and her face would light up and Soujiro would think, this is what it is to be saved.

* * *

"Misao!" Kaoru called throughout the hallways. "Misao-chan! There's a letter that arrived for you!" 

She slowed her pace to a walk. "Hm," Kaoru said thoughtfully. "Maybe she's out again."

"Kaoru, I'm right here!" Misao replied, sounded very rushed. Her disheveled head poked out from her bedroom door.

Kaoru pivoted around to face her and her whole body went stiff and her cheeks flushed at the sight of Misao. "M…Misao-chan, Soujiro-san isn't in there too, is he?"

"What?" Misao said, blushing deeply as well. "No!" she replied. "What do you take me for? I just woke up, is all!"

Kaoru's body relaxed, but her face remained pink. "Well, it's just, I know you and Soujiro-san care for each other very much, and sometimes a man and woman who—"

Misao's face turned much redder. "I know, I know already, Omasu gave me this same talk years ago! Now can I _please _get dressed? Oh, and my letter, I want that, too!"

Kaoru sighed and forked the note over to the younger girl. "You know, if you two do ever…um, well, just don't do it here, it's crowded as it is."

Misao's face burned. "_Kaoru!_"

Face bright pink, Kaoru quickly dashed away from the ignitable young girl.

Misao sighed, just as Kaoru had done earlier, and flipped open the letter to where the seal was. Impatiently she broke it open and let her eyes glide over the characters there.

"Oh, it's from Jiiya," she thought blandly as she rolled her eyes at his predictably irritating salutation. As she read over the rest of the letter, though, her features darkened.

"He wants you to come back, doesn't he?"

Misao dropped the letter and whipped around to see Aoshi standing in the doorway. Her jaw hung slack for a second or two before she tidied herself. "Well, yes," she replied, picking up the letter again. "It _has _been four months."

Aoshi stepped inside the room and inclined his head. "Are you planning on going back?"

"What—? No, I'm not. I _can't _go back, not now."

"Misao," Aoshi began sternly.

"_What?_" it came out a little more petulant than she wished.

"I think you should listen to Okina-kun," Aoshi said simply.

"Why? I'm not a little girl anymore, I don't need to come running home. Besides, Naruku isn't doing well, don't you think it's better if I stay with her?" Misao said, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear.

"Misao, that isn't why you continue to stay here, and you know it. It has more to do with that Seta kid than Naruku and—"

"As opposed to _what,_ Aoshi?" Misao snapped. "You hanging around _here_ to make sure Kaoru-san doesn't spend a second without you? How do you think that makes _me_ feel, Aoshi? Like, maybe you just want me out of here so you can—you can—"

"Misao," Aoshi held up a hand and she quieted. "You're right, I have been spending some time with Kamiya-san. But that has nothing to do with why you should return to Aoiya."

"Well, then why?" Misao demanded, a blazing look in her eyes.

"Because you've been away for over four months. Okina-kun wants to check up on you. You belong at Aoiya, Misao."

"No, I don't," Misao refuted flatly. "I belong here, with Naruku-chan, and _yes_—with Soujiro, too. You can't tell me what to do, I'm not a child!"

"You're acting very much like one," Aoshi countered quietly, with little emotion in his voice.

Misao turned away from him furiously, facing the wall instead.

Aoshi sighed. "Misao, I'm sorry. You aren't a child, you're right. And you are capable of making your own decisions. I have no right to tell you to go back like that, I'm sorry."

Misao turned back around, stunned. "R-really?"

He bowed his head. "But you should still just think about returning."

Misao looked at him, and then slowly nodded. "Okay. I will."

Aoshi moved to exit the room.

"Oh, and Aoshi?" Misao said as he turned away. "I really don't mind you spending time with Kaoru-san. I'm sorry for even mentioning it. I really do want you to be happy. Really."

Though he was facing away from her, Misao could tell that Aoshi was smiling, even in the slightest way.

"That means a lot," he said, and then left without waiting for a response.

Misao looked back down at her letter from Okina. She wasn't ready to go back yet, that she knew. But the least she could do was write back.

* * *

No word. It had been nine days and still no word. Sometimes Megumi found herself cursing Sano's very existence and the fact that she loved him. 

Did he have to be so…so _impulsive, _so spontaneous? She knew it was something she loved about him, but yet…didn't he understand that there were things _she _wanted to do, places she wanted to go? Did it ever occur to him that she wasn't holding him back, he was holding _her _back?

And yet…if there were things she wanted to do, things she was being held back from, why wasn't she doing them? There wasn't anything stopping her, not now. Sano hadn't let anything—_anyone_—stop him.

Megumi gazed dolefully out of the window. Why did it have to be this difficult? Why couldn't she and Sano just be happy together? Why couldn't he be happy _here?_ Why the adventure, why the rashness? She wasn't enough for him, evidently. The world was not enough for him. It was enough for her…

Megumi closed her eyes and sighed. It had been a long week.

* * *

A _very _long week. Sano had spent his days traveling tirelessly, on horseback, on foot, on boat. He wasn't even sure _where _he was anymore. China? Mongolia…? Somewhere in between, maybe. He had traveled through a desert where his horse had suffered badly and then died. Sano had wanted to bury it—it had been a good companion, steadfast and loyal to him, even if it _was_ just an animal. But he knew if he didn't eat, he'd die. If he didn't make himself a coat, he'd freeze. So he had carved his one-time friend up for his own uses. Poor horse. 

"Heh…bet Kenshin never had to do this in Japan," he thought roughly.

After another day of traveling he had arrived at the harbor. He sat down on the rickety dock, his legs dangling over the edge but not even skimming the water. The sun was slowly and dutifully sinking into the horizon behind him.

He stared out across the ocean, getting lost in the line between the evening sky and the water. He stared at what he thought was the Japanese sea, and beyond it—home. What had happened to his sense of adventure? All he wanted now was to return. To see Kenshin, check up on Koneko and to see his brother. To come back to Megumi's loving arms.

"Though…I don't know how well she'll be loving me after this," he thought ruefully, tossing a large gray stone into the water.

He heard the skidding of footsteps and turned around. The last bright rays of the sun made it impossible to see anything other than a tall shadow in front of him.

"Hey stranger," Sano said. "Care to sit down with a lowlife and talk about nothing?"

The stranger said nothing and Sano wondered if he knew Japanese. Maybe he was from whatever country this was…

But slowly the stranger stooped down beside Sano and sat down, cross-legged

Sano turned his head away for a moment and then looked back at him.

He was young looking, perhaps the same age as Sano or younger. The facial features looked almost delicate, with no scars of any sort, though circular, tinted spectacles hid the turquoise brilliance of his eyes.

He, too, was looking out across the sea; his shoulders slumped, a dark blue cape hanging over him. He looked tired, and defeated in some way.

Sano wondered if there were something more to this young man, something that didn't meet the eye.

"Do you think you're a lowlife?" the stranger croaked.

Even though they were the only two there, it took Sano a moment to realize the man was speaking to him.

"Well, yeah," Sano admitted. "I'm across an ocean from my home, my family, the love of my life, and I'm the one who got me here. My horse just died and I had to eat it and it didn't occur to me when I left that I had to think of a way to get back home."

"You live there?" the stranger jerked his head across the ocean.

"Yeah. Tokyo, Japan."

The stranger nodded. "I lost everything in Japan," he said.

"Wow. Really?"

The stranger nodded again. He didn't seem to care much about Sano or his incredulity.

"So, what? You come here to die or something?"

The stranger shook his head. "I don't know. Maybe. I didn't think about it."

"What about family?" Sano said after a couple moments of silence. "Yours, I mean. Are they in Japan still?"

"My…sister…" his eyes became opaque and unfocused. "Dead."

"That's rough," Sano said, thinking about Uki and Kaoru. His mind wandered to Naruku, so forlorn and lost. He didn't know why he thought of her. Did this man remind him of her? She wasn't like him at all…was she?

"She was killed." A fist clenched, then relaxed.

Sano clapped a hand on the stranger's shoulder. "Hey. Shit happens, you know? You just gotta deal with it and…keep living."

To his surprise, the stranger swallowed and bobbed his head.

Sano's hand slowly dropped from the boy's shoulder.

"You…uh…" Sano cleared his throat. "Going back? To Japan?" he nodded at a boat that was coming into the port in the distance.

The young man looked up at Sano. "…why?"

Sano didn't know how to answer. Why _what? _Why was he asking? Or why should he return? He didn't really have an answer for either of those questions.

"I think your…um…sister would want you to be where you're happiest. That's usually home, isn't it?" Sano's forehead creased.

The stranger turned to look at the boat. "Where's home?" he sneered in a self-depreciating way.

Sano shrugged. "Wherever you're the happiest, I guess."

The stranger snorted. And then chuckled. Sano almost didn't recognize the hoarse noise as a laugh, but it was.

"You are a strange man. But maybe you're right. Maybe I should go back and visit her." He stopped laughing and his fist clenched again. "If I couldn't get revenge for her…going back to see her is the least—the least I can do for her…'nee-san."

The man got to his feet, but Sano remained sitting on the dock. Now it was his turn to have a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Thanks. You were right about me. I haven't lost everything."

Sano gave a smile, small as it was, in return. It occurred to him, as the man was walking away into the setting sun, how very odd his hair color was.

"Maybe I'll see you in Japan sometime," Sano said, speaking to the water below him. "And maybe we'll have a fight…or something."

He shook his head and stood up, the bag slung over his shoulder bouncing a little against his shoulder blade. The stranger was no where in sight and was probably already making his way to the other side of the harbor.

Back home.

* * *

_**Leave**_--End

* * *

-

A/N: Ahem…those who've read Jinchuu arc probably have a good idea what that was about. For the decreasing numbers of those who haven't read it, please excuse my little tangle into canon. Haha. There are a lot of unsaid things between Sano and this…er, stranger, but I figured, they're strangers so they're not going to have a real heart-to-heart other than what you've witnessed. So what exactly did this "mysterious man" not loose? You'll probably find out.

I know it's weird to say this as the author, but I am really happy with a lot of the phrases I used, even if they seem spastic and kind of run-on-ish. You know, just like fragments, run-on sentences can be used for an effect. As long as they don't get out of hand.

Right, so, enough literature lesson today…now I will kindly ask those of you reading to please review. You know it makes me happy and such.

Also, before I forget, my "nominated" status in the RKRC awards for best author has now been bumped up to "entry" status. Someone has seconded the nomination and now I am legit! Yay! Thanks everyone for your support and encouragement!


	3. Weep

**Disclaimer: Everything that does not belong to me, belongs to Nobuhiro Watsuki and associates (Jump Comics, Shueisha Inc. etc.) Everything that does belong to me, does not belong to you.**

A/N: So sorry for the delay! I've forgotten how easily time can get gobbled up. Thanks to Rosh Hashonah, and the fact that I have no school on Jewish holidays, I managed to get this chapter out before the weekend. Yay.

Thank you so much for all your comments of last chapter. It is so gratifying to see that people are reading and are willing to give me feedback on my work. Thanks!

Anithene: It makes me so happy to hear you say that you think I'm improving. Yay. Enishi is rather glompable.

Crewel: I'm alight with joy. Haha. No really. I love seeing that people are willing to think when they read fanfiction and think about the events going on. Your insights on Sano and Megumi are not at all far from the truth. I like your interpretation. Enjoy this chapter!

ZionCross: Pretty good description of Enishi there. You and a few other people have made me feel very accomplished in my handling Megumi and Sano in the previous chapter. Yay. Ahh…"Post-Flay Allstar Syndrome" I get it now. Did you come up with that? Thanks again for reviewing. And also—you can't ride from China to Japan on a horse. Sorry. Boats are a necessity.

Sakura's Shadows: I think you guessed right. I'm so excited that you're excited. Haha. I'm happy that you are enjoying this story. Thanks!

Kie-san: Lol, don't worry about it. Sano has only been to China. He didn't go to America or Europe or anything. I'm glad you liked last chapter, and hope that you'll like this one as much. Hmm…that's a good idea about Hitomi. I'll think about that.

Cutie: Thanks! I'm glad you like it. A lot more Naruku stuff coming up…

Yuna: I like Sano and Megumi, too. I'm happy that you liked it. Glad you're happy with the pairings. Haha…Kaoru didn't _really _think that Misao and Soujiro were doing anything. She was just teasing.

Genki Ninjagirl: eek! Sorry! What did I do? Glad you liked it, though…

Long Island Grace: yes, you're right…Not Saitou, I promise. Ackk, sa-chan, perhaps too much for your own good. I'm pretty happy with that line too. I'm glad you appreciate it. Sano has never been the brightest crayon in the box, huh? I like your assumptions. You read into stuff a _lot _and that is gratifying for a writer like me. There is definitely some Naruku and Kenshin stuff in here. Ish.

Mystical Moonlady: Aww, thanks. No, Soujiro's not really going to leave Misao…they're hanging around, in love. I'm happy that you like everyone so much. Thank you for reading my fic!

One and Only: Thanks, that's so sweet. Sano is growing up. I'm selfishly happy that you think Naruku and Kenshin belong together…still a ways to go, though. Misao is gaining some insight, too. You wanted more, so here's more!

-

* * *

-PART ONE-

* * *

_The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing._ -John Powell 

**Chapter Three**

**Weep**

**K**aoru had worked it out so that none of her guests would have an uncomfortable stay. Despite the recent renovations, they still had very limited sleeping quarters. Kaoru had made sure that the only people whose sleeping conditions were less than luxurious were those that were permanently staying at the dojo. Misao, Soujiro and Aoshi all got their own rooms with the nicest bed sheets and pillows. Kenshin had offered to stay in the shed and Kaoru had banished Yahiko along with him. Kaoru got the last bedroom…but she had to share it with Naruku.

And after a few weeks, that got hard. Naruku was constantly up at odd hours of the night, and then asleep at the peak of daytime. Not to mention the traumatic shock Kaoru always received when entering the room…as if she expected to see that image of Naruku on the floor, glass and blood around her. It was something she was sure would never entirely fade, the surreal ness of the scene, how almost beautifully tragic Naruku had seemed.

Kaoru shuddered and rolled over, tucking her hand beneath her and closing her eyes again. Trying to get to sleep.

But there. There it was again, the noise that had woken up Kaoru in the first place. At first she figured she'd imagined it or it was the wind, but it was coming from inside, she could tell. It was midway between a whimper and a growl, and after it was the gentle plop of some feather-light thing falling to the floor.

Kaoru made a groggy moan. "Naruku…" she sighed sleepily. "Is that you? Go to sleep."

The noise stopped and something settled onto the floor again.

"Naruku!" Now Kaoru's voice was more of an irate hiss. "What are you doing? Go back to bed, _please_."

There was no answer, and not a sound came from where Naruku was.

Frustrated and utterly exhausted, Kaoru sat up and lit the oil lantern beside her futon. The room brightened, however slightly, but at least Kaoru could see Naruku.

And what she saw did not make her happy.

Naruku sat at the foot of her futon, a pair of kitchen sheers held between her fingers. Between the blades was a chunk of Naruku's rust-red hair, lank and dull.

"What are you doing?" Kaoru asked, now completely awake. It did not occur to her that Naruku had not spoken a word in weeks and probably would not spare any to explain her irrational decision to cut her hair in the middle of the night.

Naruku's response was to close the scissors around the chunk of hair, letting most of it fall to the floor.

"Naruku, stop!"

She had unevenly cut more than half of her hair already and Kaoru couldn't bear to see any more of that beautiful copper hair fall to the floor. Naruku's eyes looked so lifeless, so unaware as she snipped away.

But soon the scissors clattered to the floor and Naruku buried her face in her hands. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" she moaned, her sobs somewhat stifled.

Kaoru shook her head and crawled over to where her friend sat, surrounded by her long hair.

Kaoru reached up and took one of Naruku's hands in her own, jerking it away from Naruku's face.

The disheveled girl looked up at Kaoru, and her eyes showed more recognition than they had for weeks. Kaoru felt like Naruku really saw her, saw that she was trying to help, saw that she _needed _help.

Kaoru put an arm gingerly around her friend, scooting herself closer.

Naruku choked and sobbed freely, not even trying to stop the flow of tears down her cheeks.

"I didn't…I don't want…" Her eyes closed and holt salty tears outlines the lids before falling to the ground, splashing amongst red locks of hair. "I don't want to be this way Kaoru…"

"Shh…" Kaoru said soothingly. "I know. It's not your fault."

For some reason, this sent Naruku into fresh sobs. She was crying hard, her face distorted in sadness. Her eyes and nose started to clog up because of the tears, but still she sobbed.

"It's okay, Naruku, you can cry. You don't have to pretend, not for me. Not for anyone."

She felt the jerking motions of Naruku's head as the other girl nodded.

"You did wrong, Naruku, and you know that. But you can make it right."

Naruku didn't venture to respond this time, but listened carefully to Kaoru's words as more tears streamed down her cheeks.

"Come on," Kaoru continued in soft tones. "Let's get your hair all fixed up before morning, okay? Maybe we can do something special tomorrow, like go out for shaved ice. It's okay to feel sad, Naruku, but just know that there are ways to feel happy again. You've got us."

Naruku slowly moved apart from Kaoru, not even bothering to dry her eyes as the tears started to slow. She turned around so her back was facing Kaoru.

The raven-haired girl picked up the kitchen sheers and smoothed the hair running down Naruku's back. She was careful and meticulous in her work, snipping cleanly and thoroughly to be sure that the length would be smooth. She watched the old, knotted hair fall to the ground.

When she had finished, the oil lamp had almost completely burned out, but Kaoru scooped up the fallen hair and stepped out to throw it away, leaving Naruku in the increasingly darkening room.

Naruku sniffled and ran a hand through her short hair. It now fell only to her shoulders. She felt as though a great weight had been lifted, but in a way she almost missed the weight.

But she also felt a little less sad; like that maybe since she could manage her hair now, she could manage a number of other things. Perhaps the coming day would bring her what she had been waiting for—whatever that was.

She ran a hand through her hair again.

Patience, confidence. A way to put herself back together.

* * *

Sano had discovered more in his short trek to Shanghai's port than he had in his entire journey thus far. He had realized things that made him all too happy to return to Japan, things that made him believe things he hadn't before, see things he had overlooked. 

One of the things he continued to overlook, however, was his state of impoverishment. Namely, the fact that he was broke and had no feasible way of returning to Japan.

He whistled in low tones and slumped his shoulders, trying to look as inconspicuous as possible as he approached an official-looking man who was patrolling up and down a linked fence.

"You, uh—speak any Japanese?"

The guard, or at least that's what Sano presumed he was, looked at Sano with an expression of intense dislike and distrust. Sano was taken aback. He hadn't done anything! He shuffled his feet nervously.

The guard grunted haughtily and turned away, spitting on the ground as he went.

Sano blinked at this apparent rudeness. Damn. He needed to get on that boat! How?

Sano sighed. He had no solution. Drawing himself in he ambled over to a stack of crates and barrels on the dock. He sat down lazily on one of the barrels, exhaling slowly.

"Ow," he said to himself. Something was digging into his back where he sat. He turned and saw a silver something was wedged between two crates behind him.

Groaning, Sano tugged on it, dislodging it from the crate. It popped out suddenly, sending Sano stumbling backward.

"Kuso!" Sano exclaimed, looking at what he had just extracted from the crate. "How did _this _get there?"

Held gingerly in his hand was a silver handheld revolver.

The guard he had encountered before was looking right at the source of Sano's commotion. He immediately held his hands up in a fearful fashion and widened his eyes.

"What?" Sano practically shouted, putting his arms up as well. The gun in his hand was now pointing back at the boat he wanted to get on.

The guard was now frantic. He kept fervently shaking his head, looking more scared out of his wits by the second. It was then that Sano realized the guard thought he was being threatened! He thought that Sano was intentionally pointing the gun at a ship full of innocent bystanders.

Sano struggled for a way to explain, but gave up when the guard hastily went around him to stand between Sano and the boat, making wild gestures with his hands.

Sano smiled. "Will you let me on if I give you this?" he said slowly, lowering the gun and extending it in (hopefully) a non-aggressive way.

The guard stopped waving his arms and stared at Sano.

Sano pointed purposefully at himself and then at the boat. Finally he jiggled the hand with the gun in it and showed himself lowering it.

The guard understood. He nodded briskly.

Sano set the gun on the floor and slid it off to the side. It lay harmlessly in front of the crates and barrels.

Sano made his way toward the boat and ignored the glare he received from the guard as he passed.

Sano was just congratulation himself on making a misunderstanding into a useful situation when he was cornered by a fat cook in a stained apron and was handed a giant wok and spoon. He would not be getting to Japan free of labor.

* * *

Naruku sat on the porch, her knees tucked below her neatly. She heard the distant call of wind chimes, but did not answer. She was not alone, either. 

In front of her was Kaoru, looking steadily forward into Naruku's eyes, as if trying to figure something out. Beside Kaoru sat Aoshi, as calm and stoic as ever.

Naruku closed her eyes for a moment, letting her short hair dislodge itself from behind her ear, falling instead like a curtain around her cheek.

"Naruku, we're just—" Kaoru swallowed, trying to find the most cautious way to say it. "Worried about you, is all."

Though he seemed deep in the throes of meditation, Aoshi nodded to Kaoru's words.

Naruku titled her head, aiming her gaze right past Kaoru to the nondescript scenery behind her. "Who is?" she said at last.

"We all are," Kaoru replied immediately. "Kenshin, too. _Especially _Kenshin."

Naruku lowered her eyes. "He hates me."

Kaoru was on her feet instantly. "He does not _hate _you, Naruku, why would you even say that?" she tried to assure Naruku furtively, pacing back and forth.

"Because," Naruku said in a stubbornly sulky tone. "I killed someone. No, not just that—I killed someone I hated. We _both_ hated him."

Kaoru threw up her hands. She was tired of tiptoeing around Naruku. She was going to say what she wanted. It wouldn't break Naruku. "What does that matter? It's in the past, Naruku. It's been _weeks._"

"Weeks, but not years," Naruku cut in.

"Who _cares? _Who's keeping count? It doesn't matter how long it's been, Naruku, it doesn't even matter at all!"

"But don't you see?" Naruku exclaimed, locking her eyes with Kaoru's for the first time since the conversation had begun. "_I killed someone. _Me. Kenshin taught me Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu to save lives—not to take them. He counted on me as a pupil and as his friend to uphold his beliefs. And I _didn't._ How would you feel if your students committed murder? It's happened to you once before, hasn't it? And it was your disgrace. Your values that suffered. You probably felt shame, didn't you?"

Kaoru did not have much to say to this. Not only was it the longest thing Naruku had said in weeks, but also it proved how deep her problem went, how precarious the situation was. Naruku clearly was reading into her actions more than Kaoru had been. More than anyone, probably, including Kenshin. It was as if Naruku had finally ripped off the bandage to show the scar underneath.

"Do you think Himura feels this way?" Aoshi said quietly, intervening between the two women.

Naruku became downcast again and wrapped her arms tightly around herself. "Yes… I don't know."

"Choose one," Aoshi said, a little bit severely in Kaoru's opinion.

Naruku gulped and started to nod her head. "Any way you look at it…I let him down. And if he hates me for that…"

"For god's sake Naruku, he does _not _hate you!"

"Well then…what?"

Did she have to be so doggedly clueless? It was infuriating, it really was.

"Well then you should talk to him, maybe, now that you're ready to talk to _us._ Well then maybe you could find out yourself how he feels about this. If you want to know the truth, Kenshin has been as sequestered as you have…nearly."

"I don't know, Kaoru…I can't be the person he wants me to be. Not anymore."

"He doesn't want you to _be _anything!" Kaoru exclaimed. "He just wants you back, Naruku, I'm sure of it. If you just talk to him…"

Naruku shook her head. "I can't. I can't. It's like I've been lying to him."

"About what?" Kaoru said skeptically. The second Naruku started keeping the truth from Kenshin again was the same second that the word was ending.

But she never did end up getting Naruku's answer.

"Naruku, it may not be you who's lying. Part of the reason you and Himura can't reach each other is because he is guilty."

"Guilty?" both Naruku and Kaoru asked with some disbelief.

Naruku blinked and started shaking her head. "No, Aoshi. Kenshin isn't like that. He isn't like you. He wouldn't look at this and see it as his fault, the way you say the Oniwabanshuu's death as yours."

"You're wrong. That's exactly what Himura would do," Aoshi countered.

Naruku took in breath and realized Aoshi was completely correct.

"But it goes even further than that," Aoshi went on.

Now both Naruku and Kaoru were listening anxiously with a keen ear.

"Himura claimed to be teaching you Hiten Mitsurugi, did he not? From my observances, and my experience, that is not the truth. In actuality, Himura is teaching you a set of kata and training techniques that all swordsmanship is derived from."

Naruku was taken aback. She did not know what to say, but searched for a way to refute Aoshi's apparent discovery. "But—but the…the Ryusosen he taught me—he taught me that…"

"What he taught you is an attack with faintest semblance to a Hiten Mitsurugi technique. It is but a phantom of Hiten Mitsurugi that he has been teaching you."

"What…what are you saying?" Naruku closed her eyes and shook her head. It couldn't be true…could it? "That there is no such thing as Hiten Mitsurugi katsujin-ken? That he was lying to me?"

Aoshi bowed his head.

Naruku glanced over at Kaoru, who had her mouth open in surprise. She was suddenly disgusted with herself, and with Kenshin. How _could _he? How could _she?_

She shook her head, ignoring the tears that sprung from her eyes and began to fall. "I need…I need to be alone. Please. I'm tired," she rasped out.

Aoshi and Kaoru quietly stood up.

"I understand," Kaoru said softly, squeezing Naruku's hand. Then she followed Aoshi through the front door that led inside.

Naruku titled her head back and sprawled herself on the ground, her emotions overcoming her. All this time…she thought she had disgraced Kenshin. When, in truth, she had disgraced no one but herself.

* * *

Here he was at Shinbashi station, ready to give the girl of his dreams a surprise of a lifetime. He had made his way across the Japanese sea and finally to Yokohama harbor. A train had taken him from Yokohama to Shinbashi. Was he still afraid of trains? Hell yes, but it didn't matter in the face of something so much bigger. 

Sano inhaled the afternoon air and made his way past the station, through Asakusa district. If there was one place he could get to in the dark, in his sleep, it would be the clinic. More than his own home—perhaps even more than the dojo, Sano could always pinpoint exactly how to get to Megumi's clinic. It was as if his sense of direction, normally so utterly defected, somehow aligned itself in light of finding Megumi, of tracing her steps.

And there it was. Sano felt himself subconsciously holding his breath. The same building, the same plants lying idle outside. He had reached the clinic.

Without further ado, Sano ambled up to the front door and let himself in.

"Yes, can I help you?"

He heard the pitter-patter of footsteps as someone rushed into the main room where Sano stood.

Megumi stopped in her tracks, her mouth falling open.

"I'm home, Megumi." He said simply, a small smile on his face.

"Damn right you are."

Whatever he had been expecting, it was not that. The smile dropped off his face. "Megumi?"

"What? Oh, I'm sorry, did you expect me to rush into arms now that you've returned Sanosuke?"

Sano was stunned. "Um…Megumi, I just want to—"

"You know what, never mind. If you expect me to wait patiently every time you have the urge to go somewhere, see something, then you've got another think coming. There is no way I am going to welcome you with open arms after this, Sano."

"Megumi!" he said indignantly. "I'm telling you, I'm back now, I love you. I want to be with you."

"You have a very funny way of showing it. You have to stop running away, Sano," she said, her voice softening. "You have to grow up."

"I am! I have, I mean," Sano ran a hand through his hair. Despite her nasty words, there was nothing in the world Sano wanted more than to kiss Megumi right then. His muscles ached with desire and he found himself gritting his teeth and clenching his fists to stop his lips from finding hers.

"Maybe you have," Megumi said. "But I couldn't know. That's what you said last time. I can't be hurt like this again."

"You won't be! I won't leave again, Megumi, I can't."

"And I can't believe you didn't even tell me you were leaving. How can you expect me to accept you?"

"Because I love you," Sano said again.

"Not good enough," Megumi replied. "Please leave."

When she started backing him through the door again, Sano turned around. "I'm sorry Megumi," he said as she was shutting the door behind him. "I'll prove to you that you can count on me."

He glanced back at the clinic, a forlorn expression on his face. Then he turned and began his way back home to lonely Ruffian's row.

Unbeknownst to Sano, Megumi was sitting inside of the clinic with her back to the door, fighting back tears.

Outa came shuffling in and Megumi gestured for him to sit next to her. He sat down.

"Oh, Outa," Megumi sniffled. "What am I going to do with your brother? How can I trust him again?"

Outa smiled cherubically. "It will be okay Megumi-san. You love him and…he loves you. So it has to work out, right?"

He said it with such childish simplicity, but some how the naivety comforted Megumi.

She smiled genuinely and laughed through her tears. "You must be right, Outa."

* * *

_**Weep**_--End

* * *

- 

A/N: For the record, this chapter did not go how I had planned at _all. _Wow. I like the end result, though and I'm happy I was able to go with my train of thoughts on this one. Finding time is getting hard, but I'll do it! I swear.

I know a lot of you are disappointed with the absence of a certain Jinchuu arc character, but let me just say that last chapter was not the last you'll see of him. He's introduced in that chapter, but he doesn't surface as a main character until a bit later. So have faith!

Next chapter will be the confrontation you may have been waiting for, plus some more Megumi/Sano stuff. Hope you enjoyed this chapter, and please leave a review!

By the way, the RKRC awards are now closed for nominations. Voting begins October 8th so get ready!


	4. Choose

**Disclaimer: Everything that does not belong to me, belongs to Nobuhiro Watsuki and associates (Jump Comics, Shueisha Inc. etc.) Everything that does belong to me, does not belong to you.**

A/N: What's this? Am I really updating? Are you dreaming? Could it be possible? The answer is: yes, to all questions. Except no, you're not dreaming (are you?)

I do have to apologize for the lengthy hiatus I went on, and know I've probably been abandoned by many reviewers because of it. But no matter, I will press on accordingly.

I really _missed_ fanfiction, you know? And now I'm really happy to have this chapter out right before I go see **Brokeback Mountain. **

Anyway, regular updates should be expected, and also, I have finally decided to abide by the rules. Meaning I will no longer put review responses in my chapters, instead I'll use the nifty "review reply" feature they just added. Which also means that if you send me an anonymous review with no e-mail address, I will be very grateful but will not be able to thank you accordingly, or reply to you. So, sorry, but thanks for your support anyway!

And on to chapter four!

-

* * *

-PART ONE-

* * *

_Don't be afraid to take a big step. You can't cross a chasm in two small jumps. _-David Lloyd George 

**Chapter Four **

**Choose**

**S**he was the first thing he saw when he returned. She was sitting cross-legged on the floor of the porch, the late afternoon sun casting a shadow across the topmost part of her face.

Kenshin slowly set down the groceries, gaping at the vision she made. Her hair was short and tucked behind her ear so he could see the scar on her face more clearly than ever.

"Naruku-dono," he said quietly. He hadn't seen her at all that morning, as she had slept in. It was her custom, these days.

Kenshin shuffled over to the porch where Naruku sat, but balked as soon as he reached the steps.

It was difficult to make out her expression with her eyes half-lidded and the stark shadows across her face, but suddenly Kenshin got the feeling that she was angry with him.

He stood at the bottom of the steps for many silent moments before she spoke.

"Am I just some sort of joke to you?" she asked in a cool voice. Kenshin did not miss the tremor in her tone, nor the bitterness. He said nothing.

"Or did you feel sorry for me? Were you just humoring me, out of _pity?_" she spat the words at him.

Kenshin bowed his head, but did not say a word.

Naruku turned her head away from him quickly, as if she had been stung. Her lips pursed and an odd mourning expression doused her features. "Did you ever…really teach me Hiten Mitsurugi?"

When Kenshin again remained in silence, Naruku laughed bitterly. Tears began to fall slowly and she reached a hand to her cheek, just to touch the droplets. He did not deny her.

"Of course not," she answered herself, her voice quavering. "Hiten Mitsurugi will never be the sword that gives life."

Finally Kenshin looked at her. He raised his head and let his large violet eyes penetrate Naruku's cool façade.

And then, all at once, she snapped. The tears came steadily, pouring out of her eyes and making her gasp for breath.

"Don't look at me like that!" she said angrily, wiping her tears fiercely, even as they continued to fall.

Kenshin didn't say anything.

"Like—Like I won't understand or something! I _hate_ that," she sobbed quietly.

And at last, Kenshin spoke; though he chose his words wisely as though he thought they might be his very last.

"A sword is a weapon. Swordsmanship is a way to kill," Kenshin spoke in a quiet, steady voice. "…Understand that."

Naruku looked at him, shocked and hurt. Whatever it was he meant by those words was hidden from her. It felt like an added blow to her turmoil. He did not deny her, no, he was agreeing with that hurtful truth. She had known it all along.

Kenshin lowered his eyes from her tears and stepped up the porch. Her eyes were on the floor as he stepped past her to the front door.

Naruku shook her head and got to her feet. She had one thing only on her mind and that was to get away. She couldn't think.

Through her tears and in her desperation to leave, she didn't see Kenshin turn back around, his lips poised delicately to say something more. When all he saw was her fast-retreating back, he closed his mouth and turned away.

He could not shield her anymore, could not protect her from internal chaos. He could not tell her pretty lies, not anymore.

"I'm sorry…"

* * *

"Just like old times, eh Koneko?" 

Sano was rather jovial and cheery when Naruku turned up at his doorstep. It was just beginning to rain outside so he had let her scramble in quickly. Night had fallen and part of Sano wondered what could drive Naruku to a place like Ruffian's Row at a time like that. Who knew what could have happened to her, especially in her current vulnerable state.

Now the two of them settled down on the floor of Sano's flat, tucked beneath the linen covers of their futons, listening to the plunking of raindrops on the roof. Naruku was sure there was a leak somewhere; she just hoped it wasn't near her.

_Just like old times…_

It was true, this sudden arrival at the longhouse was reminiscent of a time before, when Naruku had run from the dojo. From Kenshin. She seemed to be getting pretty good at that.

_Just like old times, eh? _

"I don't know what you're talking about," Naruku replied stubbornly, and turned on her side, away from Sano.

She had come to him because there was nowhere else to go, and she knew she'd be safe with him and he wouldn't ask too many questions. Though, judging from past experience, he'd probably make her go back to the dojo, that seemed like something Naruku would be ready to do on her own, given enough time. She felt it was right.

She heard soft breathing and wondered whether Sano was asleep yet or not. In any case, she rolled over to her other side where she could see him, though only barely through the darkness.

"Sano…thank you," she whispered, and then closed her eyes.

She got only a sleepy grunt and a rustling of linen cloth in reply.

As Naruku attempted to fall asleep, she thought deeply. This was the first time she was willing to re-evaluate herself since…since Enizu. She was sick of it, really, and she was ready to get over it. She owed everyone that.

More than that, Naruku decided firmly. She owed herself that.

* * *

When sunlight hit Naruku the next morning and she awoke, she was surprised to see Sano already up and about. She yawned sleepily and pushed herself to a sitting position, legs crossed and eyes trained on Sanosuke as he pulled on his white coat. 

"Mornin'," he said to her casually.

"Good morning," she returned the sentiment. "Going somewhere special?" she added teasingly.

"As a matter of fact," Sano replied, his eyes twinkling. Then he grew serious. "I need to make some stuff up to Megumi…you know."

Naruku nodded slowly and watched as Sano crossed the room and went around her to start putting on his shoes.

"Are you gonna be okay on your own, or do you want me to walk you back to the dojo?" Sano asked.

Naruku was very taken aback at his matter-of-fact tone. Who said she was going back so soon?

"I'll be fine," she answered hastily.

Sano pulled on his second shoe and stood up, his hand on the door handle.

"Wait—Sano," she said, getting to her feet quickly. Then she stood up on her toes and put her arms around his neck. "Thanks. I mean it. You're a great friend, and I really hope things work out with Megumi."

Sano patted her on the back and they broke apart. "I could say the same for you. Good luck."

He turned and stepped outside.

Sighing as he left, Naruku plopped back down on the ground. She knew what she had to do.

Hurriedly getting herself together and combing through her short hair, she slipped outside into the warm, humid air. Staring up at the gray, overcast sky, she set out on her way.

* * *

"You know why I agreed to have lunch with you," was the first thing Megumi said after she met Sano at the Akabeko. 

"Free food?" Sano suggested.

She scowled at him. "Oh really, are you paying? _For once?_"

That stung quite a bit, but Sano probably expected it. "Listen Megumi. I really love you. I know you love me too."

"I already said, that's not good enough," Megumi answered darkly, crossing her arms.

"I know, I know," Sano replied, using his hands to make a 'calm down' motion. "And I've been doing a _lot_ of thinking, Megumi. When I was away and after I came back. I've probably thought more in these past couple weeks than the rest of my life."

Megumi snorted. "I wouldn't be surprised."

Sano must have looked particularly hurt, because Megumi then sighed and uncrossed her arms.

She didn't apologize, but she did decide to take the bait, and that was something. "Pray tell, _what _were you thinking _about?_"

"Us. Well, more than that. Us being together. For good." Megumi looked ready to refute this idea, but Sano held out a hand. "Hear me out."

Against what was probably her better judgment, Megumi decided to do so.

It wasn't that she didn't want to get married. It wasn't that she didn't want a loving family and children just like any other woman. She wanted all that, of course she did. And did she want that with Sano?

Yes. It was just…it was very hard to believe _he _wanted all that. After the number of times he'd taken off like that, it was hard to trust him and think of him as a steady, worthy husband. Too weird. He had one lifestyle, and she had another. She did not condemn him for it, but she knew he was a free spirit and she couldn't tie him down.

He said he wanted to marry her, to be with her forever, but Megumi felt that Sano hadn't thought it through. He didn't knew what that entailed. Sure, he had foreseen the love and happiness that came out of it, but he probably hadn't stopped to think about the sacrifices he would have to make. They both would have to. He couldn't be that wild, free as the wind man anymore.

He was staring at her with those wildly intense brown eyes. That look that made her breaths shaky and her stomach flop. And, were she standing, she knew her knees would be quivering violently. All from that stare.

"I left so I could see the world," Sano began, reaching over the table to Megumi's hands, but she tucked them under the table, hiding them from view. "But it wasn't…it wasn't the world without you."

Megumi looked at him, the hard, steely expression gone.

"Want to know something?" Sano said in a low voice.

Megumi nodded and leaned forward.

"I had a pretty _shitty_ time," he said, breaking into a grin.

"Really?" she asked, her eyes fluttering. Her hands returned to the surface of the table.

"Yeah. God Megumi, all I could think about was you and how I could be spending time with you. Helping you…loving you," Sano said, reaching once again for her hands.

But again she pulled them away, a small frown on her face.

"Megumi?" Sano said softly. Just when he thought she was coming around…

"Yes," Megumi answered stiffly.

Sano took a breath. "Well, there were all these things I thought I wanted to do, you know. I thought if I didn't…_go_ somewhere, I couldn't _be_ some one. I hate being no one. And I thought if I saw things, and did things, I could be someone, you know?"

Megumi nodded, her eyes down on the fine grains of the table. All this time…she thought Sano was being stupid for not thinking realistically about them. That he should have known he had to give things up for her.

But it struck her in that moment, and Megumi thought, did she want to be the person he had to give all that up for? He'd always been too big for the small box of Tokyo—of Japan, even. And she had been waiting for him to settle down, but suddenly she felt like that would be doing a great injustice. To him, and to the world. It wasn't right for her to hold him back. She knew that now she could accept him as he was—free, a wandering spirit. All she could ask for was him.

"Sano," she said suddenly, silencing him. "I'm sorry."

Sano stuttered helplessly for a moment or two. "You're—what?"

"I'm sorry," she said, looking straight into his eyes, probing, asking, pleading. "You deserve all that, you really do. You deserve to see the world and be someone. You deserve to do all the things you thought about before. I know you want to do right by me, Sano, but I'm asking you to do right by _you._ Don't deny yourself the world just for me. I'll still be here, I promise."

And Sano looked at her with some unfathomable emotion in her eyes. Since the first moment they'd kissed, she couldn't remember him ever looking at her like that. It was gratitude, adoration and a beautiful, unsurpassable love. Megumi held this intense stare, feeling tears prickle the corners of her eyes.

_Be free, Sanosuke…I love you for who you are. See the world, and I will wait here, always._

"…No."

The word cut into the dream-like connection between them. For a moment, Megumi thought she had just imagined it. She had hardly heard it at all.

But Sano was shaking his head, a warm smile spreading across his face. His hand ran up and down her arm and he was shaking his head and laughing and smiling.

"Megumi, two minutes ago I wasn't even sure if what I was saying was right. Now I know it is. I wasn't sure how ready I was to be with you, even though I said I was. I'm ready now, I know it in every bone of my body," Sano said.

This was the happiest Megumi had ever heard him, but she was desperately confused. She shook her head; she didn't understand.

"Listen, Megumi. The fact that you want to let me go, that you'd wait for me and accept me as the ruffian I am is proof to me that I am ready to put down that lifestyle. I am more than ready—I want to."

Megumi's head shook, and she was crying and shaking and laughing all at once. "But—but all the things you wanted to do—Sano, you can't…c-c-can't…"

Sano reached across the table to touch her cheek and stroke her hair as she sobbed.

He shook his head, still smiling. "No…no, that doesn't matter, not anymore. Because when you see something beautiful, that's over the minute you leave. But when you have something so wonderful…when you create something, a marriage…children…That's for life, Megumi. And I can't _wait _to have that life with you."

And that was the second that Megumi truly believed him. He meant every word he said. He was _more_ than willing to 'give up' his lifestyle in exchange for a new, more wholesome one. With her.

Megumi looked at him and saw the tears in his eyes, which only made her cry harder. But it was a wonderful sort of crying, because she felt she was overflowing with happiness, and the tears were really droplets of her joy pouring out, because she didn't have room for anymore.

Sano reached across the table, nearly standing up to get close enough to cradle her head in his hands and let their noses and their foreheads touch and finally, their lips touched in the most emotionally thrilling kiss either of them had ever experienced.

"So this is it, right?" Megumi said after they broke apart, their face still so close and their eyes pouring into each other. "No more messing around."

She chuckled and they kissed again, this time with enough passion that it left Megumi dazed as they came apart.

"I love you a lot, you know?" she said quietly, her eyes half-lidded.

"I think I may have some idea," Sano answered, grinning. "We should get back home."

Trying to suppress the huge smile that threatened to split her face, Megumi stood up and took Sano's arm, letting him lead her outside and down the pathway.

Megumi could not remember a day that had looked so beautiful, with big, plump rain clouds hovering overhead and the smell of spring fluttering past. No, she thought again, there certainly never was a more blissful day.

* * *

There never was a more wretched day, Naruku thought darkly to herself, shuffling along the road back to the dojo. The thick humid air hung about her and up above were fat gray clouds ready to burst to send stinging, ice-cold droplets of water on her skin. 

Naruku passed the sign announcing the Kamiya Kasshin dojo almost without noticing, but soon she was within the gates of her home. She knew she was ready to talk to Kenshin again, but that didn't mean she was jumping at a chance to. She was still quite irate with him for what he had done, and what he hadn't. At least, she thought wryly, she was more in control of her emotions than she had been in weeks.

Fuming, she made her way up the porch steps and went inside. Thinking it peculiar that she hadn't run into at least one of their many borders so far, she made her way down the hallway, wandering rather aimlessly throughout the house.

Her anxiety rose when Kenshin was nowhere to be found. She spotted Misao, but she had been just leaving and in any case, was of no importance to Naruku at that moment.

Finally Naruku came upon Kaoru, which was lucky because her apprehension was very near to engulfing her.

"Oh—Naruku!" Kaoru said, blinking in surprise. She was walking down the hall with a basket of laundry in hand.

"Where's Kenshin?" Naruku asked in a rush, not even bothering to give Kaoru a proper greeting.

Kaoru was even more taken aback. "Um…he left, Naruku. He's gone."

Before she could get another word out, Naruku whirled away, her eyes widening and her breathing very labored.

_Gone._ She said to herself.

The next moment she was flying into her room, thrashing around for warm clothes and other traveling necessities. She almost screamed with the stupidity of it all.

"That—_idiot!_" she yelled. All of her anger toward Kenshin had been effaced by this new desire to see him. Why, why, _why_ did he leave?

It was her fault, Naruku knew and acknowledged this resolutely as she finally got all her things together in her bag and pulled it tightly closed. He had gone, left, who knew where and it was because of her! Why did she say those things to him—_why?_

She felt like crying, but she willfully held it in. She would not cry, not this time. This time she'd go out and find him and be strong and say what she meant to say.

Hesitating for a moment, Naruku bit her lip and then grabbed both her hanashitou and Akeri's dagger and buried them deep inside her bag. They were opposite sides of the same burden, blame she had to shoulder.

Hoisting her bag up, she sped out of her room without a backward glance. And then, with pointed determination, she left the dojo to find Kenshin. At last she was doing something, going somewhere. At last she was setting herself on a path, along which her demons were not welcome.

* * *

**_Choose--_**End

* * *

- 

A/N: I'm actually _very _pleased with this chapter, no matter what anyone says. I love conflict-resolution! Hehee…dorkiness. I'm especially satisfied with Megumi and Sano's subplot, which worked out quite nicely for me. I'm a little under whelmed with the fight between Naruku and Kenshin, but I didn't feel it would be best to draw it out.

Next chapter, Naruku finds Kenshin and a whole slew of confessions and accusations arise from there. Lots and lots of conversation, I hope you're all up to it when chapter five arrives!

Quickly before I go, I'll remind you of the RKRC awards, of which I am an entry as Author of the Year. Should you deem me worthy, please go vote! A link can be located in my profile.

Please review, every comment I receive is another smile and another boost to get writing!


	5. Understand

**Disclaimer: Everything that does not belong to me, belongs to Nobuhiro Watsuki and associates (Jump Comics, Shueisha Inc. etc.) Everything that does belong to me, does not belong to you.**

A/N: I really, really meant it when I said "regular updates." I meant every seven to ten days! Unfortunately, some things can't be helped, and among those things are illness and spending four days in bed with a fever of 102. As if that weren't bad enough, I had the majority of a week to make schoolwork up for! And suddenly we've been plunged into the holiday season too! It's enough to make a girl go crazy, I tell you!

In any case, I truly apologize for the long wait, again, and promise that the next update will be soon! Before I leave for vacation.

Tanoshimu!

-

* * *

-PART ONE-

* * *

_Tell me are you feeling lost, have you crossed_

_In the places that you never knew to get through_

_Tell me are you gonna cry all night_

_Tell me the truth, and I'll tell you the truth_

--Ben Lee "Gamble Everything For Love

**Chapter Five  
**

**Understand**

**T**ime passed as Naruku trotted down the paths and streets of Tokyo, but she didn't know how much. It was hard to focus on anything other than the continual pounding of her own feet on the ground. It was out of the question to try and figure out how and where she would find Kenshin, and what she would say to him when that moment presented itself.

Soon after passing several milling teenagers in the marketplace, Naruku ran into someone. Hard. She stumbled back and looked up, bleary-eyed. She recognized the face at once, but it was not who she was seeking.

"Aoshi!" she cried, and her brain tried to formulate her next thought.

Aoshi inclined his head to her. He paused for an uncertain moment and then spoke. "You're looking for Himura, I presume."

Naruku's eyes glanced off in a different direction, and for a moment she looked very, very lost. "Yes," she whispered. There was a small intake of breath before she went on, "Kaoru said he'd gone and I wanted to follow him…to find him, only I don't know where he went, or why!"

She didn't quite sound hysterical, but there was an edge of urgency and her voice had gotten quickly louder.

Again there was a moment's hesitation from Aoshi before he replied, "You misunderstood."

Naruku let out an almost unconscious gasp and turned sharply to Aoshi, her eyes cloudy. She had misunderstood _what?_ Was he mocking her for believing she had learned Hiten Mitsurugi? What on Earth was Aoshi saying?

For a moment she didn't think he was going to continue, but the moment petered out and he cleared his throat.

"Himura isn't gone, and it certainly would be no feat to find him," Aoshi said tersely.

Naruku's eyebrows knitted together at once. Then they sprang apart and her eyes widened. "You mean, you could tell me where to find him?" she exclaimed.

"Of course. Had Kaoru-san been more careful with her words, you wouldn't have had to waste time down here. Himura departed around the same time as you last night, and he certainly made it no secret about his whereabouts," Aoshi responded.

Naruku immediately scowled. _Now _Aoshi was just teasing her! He was mocking her by implying how silly she was for leaving that night, and further indicating that had she stayed like a normal person, she'd know exactly where Kenshin was and neither Aoshi nor Naruku would have had to put up with the whole charade!

This was the reason Aoshi could be so infuriating. He had always teased her so deftly that she wasn't sure whether or not he was actually doing it on purpose.

Fortunately, Aoshi was in a generous state of mind and no sooner did the scowl appear on Naruku's face than he appeased her.

"Himura-san went to discuss some issues with the police inspector. He went up to the Fujita Manor and is expected back this evening," Aoshi told her resolutely.

Naruku stared for several moments, lost in thought.

"Well, if you're going to catch him, you'd better hurry," Aoshi's baritone voice cut into her musings. An extra jab with his elbow sent Naruku on her way.

* * *

"I had a run-in with Naruku this morning," Aoshi said placidly to Kaoru over lunch. 

"Uh-huh?" Kaoru answered, her mouth full of rice-balls that Misao and Soujiro had spent all morning making.

"She seemed to be under the impression that Himura-san had left," Aoshi said pointedly.

"You mean like, when he came to Kyoto?" Misao piped.

"Oh…that," Kaoru said, swallowing and lowering her eyes slightly. "She startled me this morning with the laundry so I blurted out that he had gone, which he had. Before I could explain properly, she'd shot off to her room. I assumed it was just to throw something…or think things over, you know. By the time I was done with distributing the clean laundry, she'd gone. I'm glad she met up with you, I was getting worried."

"Naruku-san certainly seems to enjoy taking off without notice," Soujiro observed. "She's lucky to have all of you to look after her when she does such things."

Misao nodded. "But imagine if Himura _had_ gone off wandering again! Ha!"

Kaoru frowned and waved her chopsticks. "Don't laugh at that Misao-chan, it isn't a pleasant thought!"

"I'm only laughing because it's so unlikely to happen!" Misao argued. "There's no way Himura could possibly leave again, don't you think?"

"I don't know, I haven't really thought about it in a while," Kaoru said thoughtfully. "I suppose the optimistic thing would be to agree with you, so I will."

Together the two of them chimed cheerfully, "There's no way Kenshin would leave!" and fell over giggling, much to the bemusement of the two men at the table.

"I'm glad those two are enjoying themselves…"

* * *

By the time Naruku reached the Fujita Manor, the rain had started up again. To take cover from the fat, heavy drops, Naruku leaned up against a Crepe Myrtle tree that was just in view of the Manor. 

Her lips were settled into a small line and her eyes were squinted and focused. She couldn't help getting wet, so her short hair hung dripping from her head, but Naruku believed she had discovered a major advantage of having short hair. It certainly didn't drag when sopping wet and it didn't get terribly tangled either.

As Naruku viewed the Manor, she reconsidered her choice to recklessly rush after Kenshin without a single cohesive thought in her head. What would she say to him?

If she turned back now, it wouldn't be that much of a waste. Surprisingly, it had not taken Naruku much effort to get directions to the Manor. All she had done was head over to the police office.

Everyone there had been friendly and helpful, which was odd because the last time she'd been there, she had been spending time…in one of the prison cells. No one seemed to remember that, however, or they were just in the practice of handing out their boss's home address to random, soaking wet girls.

Of course, when Naruku had been in jail, it had been Saitou who let her out. Most likely a lot of the officers there thought the two of them were friendly with each other, which couldn't have been further from the truth.

Naruku shook her head and uncrossed her arms. She picked up her bag at her feet, the one she'd packed back when she thought she'd be blazing through most of Japan looking for Kenshin.

She shook her head again. Her mind said no, but her heart said yes. Her body said no, too, shivering so strongly that it was clear not a part of Naruku wanted to go out in the rain again, Kenshin or no.

She ignored it and stepped out from under the tree, just as a clap of thunder sounded.

Another bad omen, but Naruku didn't care.

She turned up on the Fujitas' veranda several minutes later. It was certainly a big patio, with large, thick doors in front of it. Naruku found her eyes wandering as she looked around at the gardens and the wind chimes above her, which were clanging around due to the rain.

As her eyes wandered, Naruku couldn't help but feel she was taking all of this in differently than she would have. It almost felt as if she were experiencing everything for the last time, as a prisoner on death row.

While that wasn't true, there was a certain sense to the feeling. It could very well be her last moments doing a completely commonplace thing as the person she was. Who knew how she could change after this? Naruku knew that the next time she stepped out on this porch, _something_ would be completely different.

"My! You must be freezing! Hurry, come in!"

Naruku was jolted out of her reverie by a strong, maternal voice. "Oh, M-miss!" she exclaimed.

An elegant woman in her thirties was positioned in the doorway, which was now open, exposing the front entrance of the Manor. The woman had long silk black hair swept into a knot on the top of her head. She wore a kimono of soft ash, its hem embroidered with a flurry of green and blush pink hummingbird feathers. She was beautiful in a wise, cultured sort of way, her face slanted and rather angular for a Japanese woman.

"You're lucky I needed to check on the nursery! Yoko would have never let you in so quickly. Well, get in before you freeze!"

Startled, Naruku lumbered inside, suddenly aware of how cold the water on her legs and neck was.

"You're here to see Himura-san now, aren't you?" the woman asked kindly.

"Um, yes, who are you?" Naruku blurted, completely forgetting herself in the presence of such a dynamic woman.

"I'm Tokio, dear. I think we'd better get you dry and changed before going up to see Himura-san just yet!" she went on, leading Naruku away from the entrance hall.

"Just—Just I need to see him," Naruku cut in hastily, her voice getting high and loud so she almost shrieked it. "Please," she added breathlessly.

"Oh very well," Tokio replied, waving a hand. "This way."

She swept down another corridor and Naruku nearly tripped over her own ankle to keep up. She had her arms around her, clutching at the sides of her soaking yellow gi, and she didn't feel she could ever move them again.

"How did you know I was here for him?" Naruku asked as they half-jogged down the hallway.

"I've heard about you," Tokio said simply. "That's why he's here, isn't it?"

"Is it?" Naruku asked, confused.

Tokio didn't answer, but stopped walking very suddenly, her kimono fluttering at her ankles.

Naruku took very special care not to bash into Tokio at the sudden stop. She waited patiently as Tokio turned towards one of the doors.

"This is his office," she whispered to Naruku.

Naruku was about to reply, but Tokio held her head very close to the door and her mouth partially open. It looked like she was listening to something, so Naruku stayed silent.

"Ah, there," Tokio said finally, smiling in a satisfied manner and jerking her head away from the door. She turned towards Naruku, beaming warmly at her. "You can go right in."

Naruku blinked once, twice, three times. She shrunk back. Suddenly she was aware of how quiet the hallway was, how cold the water on her body was and how strange she must look, standing outside of a very rich police officer's home-office, soaking wet and wondering what would happen when she stepped through that door.

Inhaling deeply through her nose, Naruku shouldered all of this sudden thought and grasped the handle of the door. She leaned inward as she slid it open slowly, inch by inch.

Inside it was dark and smelled rather musty, but Naruku could see two men sitting on either side of an oak desk. One man was tall and angular, smoke trailing out of his mouth. The other was small, short and Naruku couldn't see the expression on his face. Nor could she guess it.

When Naruku had slid open the door about halfway and her face was poking into the office, the two men at the desk turned to look at her.

Her head clunked against the doorframe as she peered back at them.

Kenshin's expression changed very quickly and he almost shot out of his seat.

Seeing him was like a sudden rush of fresh, ice-cold air. It stole Naruku's breath away and also cast a pink glow on her cheeks. Her stomach seemed to drop and now rested somewhere at her feet. She was aware of nothing but the man in front of her.

She took several steps forward, unable to tell how she was managing it when her knees felt like they were melting and there was an odd, rattling notion in her chest.

"Naruk—" Kenshin began.

"Shh…"

By that time she was just two steps away from him. She braved these steps unflinchingly, keeping her eyes level with his and trying to keep her eyes dry and her vision focused. Still, the image of Kenshin swam in front of her until she felt she'd collapse with the dizziness of it all.

"We're finished here," a smooth, drawling voice said, successfully cutting the moment short.

Saitou passed a packet of papers across the desk to where Kenshin's hand rested. The hand moved away, but his entire body seemed focused only on Naruku.

"May we have a moment?" Kenshin said, the question directed at Saitou but his eyes still on Naruku. She didn't miss the slight tremor in his voice, and it was a sound she had not heard often.

"You may have an entire afternoon…I certainly don't need this dump," Saitou replied, going to join his wife outside. It was hard to tell whether he was being sarcastic or not, but it didn't matter. He wasn't going to be getting his office back for a while, it seemed. At least, neither Kenshin not Naruku seemed to keen on the notion of moving.

This was where their paths converged and this was where they would continue onward. It happened that way, and so it was. They were alone in the dank, musty room, but suddenly it seemed a little less dim.

The door shut behind Saitou and they heard his footsteps and slight mumbling. There was a sharp intake of breath from both Naruku and Kenshin, but neither of them spoke.

"Naruku…" Kenshin breathed after some time.

She lowered her eyes, hands still clutching the fabric of her soaked clothes.

"Did you come here in the rain?" Kenshin asked quietly.

Naruku was almost ashamed to admit it, and she wasn't sure why. Slowly, she nodded her head. And she felt she needed to explain herself. "I just…I thought you'd gone and I needed to… know."

Kenshin stepped back subconsciously, but then Naruku raised her eyes again and he was drawn inward.

Biting her bluish lip, Naruku kept her eyes trained on Kenshin as she said, "Why did you lie to me?"

She didn't sound angry, only a little exasperated. What she said was true—she just needed to know. It wouldn't change anything, it would not lessen her suffering, but she needed to know.

"Why would you say you were teaching me one thing and then…you weren't…" Naruku shook her head.

Kenshin looked thoughtful for a moment, as if trying to decide something. Naruku thought perhaps he was trying to decide whether or not to be honest. She knew what he should choose, what he _had _to choose if he wanted to see the other side of this.

Kenshin knew too.

"As I said before…swordsmanship is a way to kill. Hiten Mitsurugi is a killing technique, and no matter what I do and how I use it, it remains the truth," Kenshin stated, his voice nearly expressionless, flat and dull but Naruku could hear a note of remorse. "I could have killed you that day in Edo Castle, don't you remember? I almost did."

Now he looked sad and very lost. Naruku felt herself choke up—she couldn't stand to see Kenshin look like that, no matter how confused and angry he was making her. She didn't want to do the same to him. She wanted to reach out, to comfort him, but she couldn't think of a single thing to say.

"If I taught you Hiten Mitsurugi, I would have been teaching you a way to kill. I could never do that, I could never subject someone to the same thing I went through," Kenshin struggled to continue.

Naruku closed her eyes and was silent for a moment, thinking this over. Kenshin had been afraid of turning her into who he was. It was strange and ironic because since the second she had met him, Naruku _had_ wanted to be like Kenshin. That was why she asked to learn Hiten Mitsurugi in the first place.

She opened her eyes.

"So then why pretend? Why tell me you were teaching me, when you weren't?" Naruku asked. She wanted to say _why mock me, _but she knew that wasn't it. He had not been mocking her or trying to humiliate her. That was not Kenshin.

Kenshin's eyes flickered for a moment before he took a breath and replied, "When you first asked me to teach you, you told me you wanted to understand Battousai. That was it. You had grown up with this vision of me, of who Battousai was, that I was a demon, that I had murdered your father. But you asked for no retribution. You asked only to understand."

Naruku's eyebrows knitted carefully and she tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, but ignored it when it flopped back into her eyes.

"And now you stand before me and ask that again. You ask to understand, you say you hate not being able to…you are so different from the people of my past, who want only to be right, to have their opinion be the correct one."

"I never…" Naruku tried to get her brain and her mouth to work together, but they seemed out of sync. Naruku had never _once_ thought about everything Kenshin was saying. She never realized that trait in her could possibly be different from other people. She never knew there were people who _didn't_ have the insatiable hunger to know and to comprehend.

"You asked me to teach you, so you could understand me. And Naruku, I did teach you. It was not the Hiten Mitsurugi that I taught you, no. But it wasn't Hiten Mitsurugi that gave you that realization. The swordsmanship didn't help you know me, it was simply the time we spent together, learning it. I taught you the basic skills of swordsmanship, so that you could defend yourself. And you did."

"But it's not the same," Naruku uttered a few moments after Kenshin had finished. "Hiten Mitsurugi has its set of morals, and its philosophy and that is what I wanted to learn, and that's what you never—"

Kenshin shook his head. "It's not the philosophy of the sword, it is the philosophy of the _swordsman_."

Naruku sucked in breath and froze completely. Kenshin's words resounded loudly in her head. She started to shake, but it wasn't because of the cold.

Hiten Mitsurugi had nothing to do with it, it seemed. The morality in question was not of a sword style handed down from Kenshin, it was her own, the principles of Naruku's own heart, deep inside her being.

And it seemed they were deeply twisted and she dissolute. Despite her peace talking and her selfless wishes for harmony…there was a monster inside of her, making all of that pacifism seem fake.

Twice she had tried to kill Enizu. The first time she had stopped herself, had managed to grasp what was left of her idealism. The second time she had not. It happened so quickly, she was bleeding, and then—

Three times she had stabbed him. Three times. And she recalled his last whisper, his last shackle fastening itself around her neck. _You can never escape…_

What had been different the second time? Where was that line between life and death? Between who she used to be, and who she had become?

Naruku stared ahead with a hollow, morose expression. It was the kind of look that carved deeply into Kenshin's heart. She looked so much older in that one instant, and yet so small.

Her eyes were raw and bared her soul to him. And that was when Kenshin stood back and really looked at Naruku. And saw her in way he didn't think he had ever seen her before. He saw her suffering and realized she was not too far away. The aftermath of Naruku's mistake had seemed to drive them apart, like a valley neither of them could see the other side of.

But standing in the sparse, flat room and seeing Naruku in the dull lighting, Kenshin suddenly saw he _could _reach her, he _could_ be there for her.

He could love her.

The moment they had shared together the morning Naruku woke up came back to Kenshin as he stepped closer to her and reached an arm around her waist.

She slowly raised her head to him and he saw the sparkle of tears in the corners of her eyes. He leaned down to her mystified face and kissed her sweetly on the lips.

Naruku's eyes fluttered closed and her hands went to Kenshin's shoulder, but before she knew what had happened, Kenshin's lips were lifting away from hers.

She exhaled in a tiny sigh, and felt almost afraid to open her eyes again. She felt if she did, the harsh light of the den would erase Kenshin and he would disappear. Everything that had just happened—whatever had just happened—would slowly ebb away from her mind.

But her lips still tingled and remembered the softness of Kenshin's. She could still feel the electricity all the way into her toes, and the warmth of his hand, still resting on the small of her back. She could taste his lips, which were almost indescribable but reminded her of sweet plums and bright green leaves on cool summer days.

She opened her eyes and looked up through her eyelashes, still dazed. Kenshin gazed down at her with a warm expression, so completely at peace and so loving that it brought color to Naruku's cheeks.

And Naruku realized that the bliss she felt at that moment did not have to be fleeting. The happiness that oozed within her like warm honey was a part of her life.

She had ended a life, that was true, but that didn't mean her life had to be ended as well. What she had done was in the past—her suffering was not over, perhaps it would never really disappear, but that was a part of life, too.

Kenshin had showed her she could correct mistakes, and leave those things in the past. In return, she vowed to teach him to press onward with life. Together they would find something worth striving for.

Kenshin's arm slid all the way around Naruku's waist as he drew himself closer, exhaling softly and leaning down so their foreheads were a breath apart.

"Just by living side-by-side with you, I've come to understand you better than I could have dreamed," Naruku whispered. She didn't know what she was saying, just that she was dizzy and flushed and her head was whirling. "Thank you for that. For giving me that chance. But it's me I don't understand."

Kenshin smiled and chuckled, letting the fingers of his other hand trace through her short hair. "That part is always the hardest."

In light of everything that had happened in the past weeks, Naruku felt strangely at peace with everything.

She realized it was her own problem she had to deal with, that Kenshin could not be her anchor anymore. She had to pull herself up, stand up on her own. And she would.

Kenshin was right—knowing herself would be the hardest lesson to learn, but she could learn it from only her own heart, no one else's. Not even the man that loved her. But that was okay. Kenshin's hand dropped from Naruku's slim waist and instead grabbed one of her cold, pink hands. She looked down at their entwined hands, wondering, but patient.

And she smiled.

* * *

**_Understand_**--end

* * *

-

A/N: Well, I hope you enjoyed that chapter! It really was difficult for me to write, on top of not being able to start for quite a while. The majority of the chapter, with Kenshin and Naruku's conversation, went so many ways that I'm not even sure what I ended up putting down anymore! At first I wanted the emotions to be very high and for there to be a lot of tension. I tried this several times, and after contemplating writer seppuku, I finally decided, well, maybe this scene _wants _to be more demure and contemplative than high-tension, rising emotions type.

I don't know. Please tell me what you think! I am flummoxed. But I do love the lyrics at the very top. Ben Lee is such a sweetheart, and using one of his songs is really perfect for a chapter like this.

Next chapter--People have news! Outa still exists! Aoshi and Kenshin are severely needing man-to-man. Most importantly, find out what the heck I am going on about! That, and possibly more in chapter six!


	6. Embrace

**Disclaimer: Everything that does not belong to me, belongs to Nobuhiro Watsuki and associates (Jump Comics, Shueisha Inc. etc.) Everything that does belong to me, does not belong to you. (But unlike Watsuki, you can ask me for permission to use it!)**

A/N: This is, oh, I don't know, a week late? Two? I make a mockery of myself, I really do.

It is my fault for spending so much time on the forums, which I swore I wasn't even going to get into. Which just goes to show that even the best of us must sometimes eat our own words.

Yay and a special thank-you to "Noname" to being reviewer number 50! Whoohoo!

Tanoshimu!

-

* * *

-PART ONE-

* * *

_Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known._ -Carl Sagan 

**Chapter Six**

**Embrace**

**K**enshin and Naruku had planned to return to the dojo right away, but Tokio insisted they could not go out in the rain (it was barely drizzling at that point) and invited them to stay for tea, which they enjoyed immensely.

Both Kenshin and Naruku were very surprised at how relaxed the environment was at the Fujita Manor. Tokio was very friendly and very cordial, and Saitou, well, he had disappeared when he found out tea was involved.

Eventually the sun came out and Tokio was forced to let Kenshin and Naruku go, but not without wrapping up some sweets to take back to the dojo. They thanked her profusely and departed.

On their way into town, Naruku and Kenshin were surprised by Outa, who bumped into them near a perfume vendor.

"Good afternoon Himura-san!" Outa cried rather loudly, staring up at the swordsman.

"Hello Outa," Naruku returned, though he had been addressing Kenshin. She knelt down so she was at eye-level with him. "What are you doing here by yourself?"

Outa looked around and shuffled his feet. "I'm picking up something for Sanosuke, miss!" he answered, waving a white slip of paper.

"And what might that be?" Kenshin questioned kindly, exchanging glances with Naruku.

"It's an obi for Megumi-san…he already picked it out and everything, I just need to get it!"

Outa seemed rather excited about his task so Kenshin and Naruku let him run off without another word.

Naruku stood up again and looked at Kenshin questioningly. "Why do you think Sanosuke is getting Megumi an obi?" she asked slowly.

Kenshin shook his head. "We'd better get back to the dojo or Kaoru-dono will worry."

He started to move away, but Naruku caught his sleeve and held fast. He stopped and turned his head to face her.

She looked slightly troubled as she dropped his sleeve and took a deep breath before speaking. "Kenshin, I've been meaning to ask you all afternoon…why were you at Saitou's office anyway?"

Kenshin pursed his lips and turned all the way around. "We were discussing…the event at Castle Edo."

Kenshin was afraid of Naruku's reaction, but she barely looked affected at all.

"The police needed to file reports about Enizu's death," Kenshin explained hesitantly.

"Oh," was all Naruku said. "Then…are they going to have to…" she swallowed. "_deal_ with me?"

Kenshin looked confused for a moment and then he realized what she was saying. He shook his head. "There were absolutely no repercussions for killing him. Enizu had been a wanted weapons dealer and part of a large crime ring for quite a while. The police have wanted him dead for quite a while."

"Oh," Naruku repeated.

Kenshin looked very unsure about whether to continue, but he had vowed to himself to be totally honest with Naruku. She deserved it. "There was a reward."

"A…reward?" she repeated, shaking her head and brushing hair out of her face.

Kenshin nodded. "A reward of ten thousand yen for the capture of Enizu."

"Don't they…I mean, don't they care that I killed him? Didn't they need to," she gulped again, "interrogate him?"

Kenshin nodded. "The original reward was fifty thousand yen. Despite the fact that you killed him, the police are relieved that they don't have to deal with him and offered a fraction of that reward."

Naruku exhaled slowly and started walking again, but she felt stiff and awkward. Kenshin walked with her, not saying a word.

"Naruku, are you—"

"It's just—it's just so _wrong!_" Naruku burst, crossing her arms and speeding up. "It's blood money, that's what it is. _Ten thousand yen! _They're paying me for a _crime _I committed."

Kenshin put a hand on her shoulder and stopped her. "Will you take it?" he asked in a low, level voice.

Naruku looked away, half shaking her head. "No…I don't know! Kenshin…let's—let's go somewhere. Let's leave."

Kenshin looked troubled. "Naruku, you can't run away."

"I'm not running away!" Naruku protested immediately. She realized how loudly she'd said it and then lowered her voice. "I'm not…running. I just need some time to think about all of this…away. But I want you to come with me, Kenshin. I think you need it too."

Kenshin gazed at her conflicted face, his hand still resting on her shoulder. He ran his hand along her upper arm and then slowly he nodded.

* * *

Their return to the dojo was greeted with the sounds of clapping shinai and yelling students. 

Kenshin and Naruku exchanged glances before running up to the front of the dojo. They could hear Kaoru's voice from inside, instructing.

Naruku started to slide the door open and stepped inside, Kenshin behind her. They spotted Kaoru and made their way purposefully over to her.

"That's great Gichii! Just a little straighter Yuki-kun—oh, Naruku!" Kaoru whirled around and came face to face with the shorter woman. She then saw Kenshin standing behind Naruku and her mouth fell open in shock. "_Kenshin?_"

Her expression changed and a very pleased smile lit her features. "You made up!" she squealed. "I'm so happy for you two!"

She hugged each of them tight and then turned back to her students. They were all standing around patiently.

"Class is dismissed for today…come back tomorrow, thanks!"

The students, there were about ten now, all filed out of the dojo, leaving Kaoru, Kenshin and Naruku together.

"You started teaching again!" Naruku exclaimed as the last student left.

"I sure did—today was the first day. It's going great. There are less students, but they're all so hard-working!" Kaoru said.

"That's really great Kaoru," Naruku replied easily, smiling at Yahiko as he joined them.

"Naruku, Kenshin!" he said enthusiastically.

"You guys made up, then," Kaoru said hesitantly.

"Well, duh! You finally put the moves on her, Kenshin?" Yahiko said devilishly, jabbing Kenshin in the side.

"Oof…oro," Kenshin replied good-naturedly.

Kaoru promptly slammed her bokken into Yahiko's head and went on smoothly, "How are you? You seem a lot better."

"Well," Naruku answered slowly. "I _feel _a lot better."

"Why don't we all go inside?" Kenshin suggested gently and led the two girls into the house, checking back to make sure the impaired Yahiko was behind them.

They arrived in the kitchen to find a pensive Megumi sitting quietly with Aoshi.

"Ken-san," Megumi exclaimed as he entered the room. She stood up and surveyed him and Naruku quickly, her deft eyes not missing the way Naruku's stance tilted her toward Kenshin and the way he in turn was standing a fraction of an inch closer than he would usually.

A thin smirk appeared on Megumi's face as she welcomed them back.

Two sets of laughter came from the kitchen and Naruku looked around quizzically.

"Misao and Soujiro are making lunch," Kaoru said evenly to Naruku. "I'm a little worried about the poor kitchen, but they can't do much more damage to it than you, can they?"

Naruku's eyebrows dropped and she glared at Kaoru. "Thanks," she said in a deadpan voice.

"Ah…Kaoru-dono doesn't mean anything by it, I'm sure," Kenshin said hastily. "After all, no one could inflict more destruction on the kitchen than her."

"_Thank you Kenshin,_ that's enough," Kaoru growled.

Misao appeared from the kitchen and waved them all over to the table. "Sit down, sit down! Chef Makimachi and Chef Seta present to you…sushi á la Soujiro!"

"Ano, Misao, am I supposed to come out now?" they heard the chuckling voice of Soujiro ask uncertainly.

"_Yes,_" Misao hissed.

Soujiro came out of the kitchen smiling, with a big tray of sushi in his hands.

The occupants of the table all stared at it with glittering eyes. All types of colorful sushi met their eyes.

Salmon, egg, crab, eel and cucumber, different types of sushi—tempura, sashimi, inari and hand rolls--it was enough to make anyone's mouth water.

"Who made that?" Kaoru cried in disbelief, as if no one but the gods could have made something so beautiful.

"Soujiro did!" Misao answered at once, beaming.

Before Soujiro could feed the lovely display to the wolves, a sharp tap came from the doorway.

"Oi, I heard 'sushi.'"

Eyes that were glued to the sushi quickly darted up toward the newcomer.

"Good afternoon Sanosuke," Kaoru said pleasantly, still staring at the food from the corner of her eye.

"Hey Jou-chan, Kenshin, koneko," Sano sat down next to Yahiko, who he glanced at and uttered in greeting, "brat."

Yahiko had begun filling his mouth and had no retort.

"Yahiko! Stop that," Kaoru demanded at once. Yahiko tried to reply, but ended up splattering rice everywhere.

Naruku rolled her eyes and clasped her hands together. "Itadakimasu!"

The others followed suit, even Yahiko, and they all dug in to the delicious treat.

"Ara…I didn't think they'd like it so much," Soujiro exclaimed.

"Are you kidding? You're never allowed to leave the dojo!" Kaoru proclaimed between bites.

When all was well and over and Yahiko had lunged for the very last eel and cucumber roll, Sano stood up unexpectedly, and, without a word, began clearing off the table.

"I wasn't done with that!" Megumi protested, snatching back her empty bowl of rice. She'd eaten every grain, signifying that she wanted seconds.

"Well there's no more rice," Sano replied irritably, taking it back and putting it with the rest of the dishes in the kitchen.

"Besides, I can't have you all distracted while I'm trying to ask you to marry me," he added nonchalantly when he returned.

All heads whipped around.

The general consensus was, "_What?_"

Sano sat down and cleared his throat, barely suppressing a grin of amusement. From out of nowhere, it seemed, he pulled out a wrapped package.

Naruku gasped softly. She knew what was inside almost immediately, and instinctively tugged on Kenshin's sleeve to see if he realized it too.

"Right, so, guess there's nothing more to it," Sano said after realizing how very silent the room had become.

He turned to the rest of them, "Megumi and I have decided to marry, but we wanted you to be here…for this," Sano said. "Because you've been like family to both of us."

Naruku wanted to laugh. They'd been taking part in a Yui-no marriage ceremony without realizing it. Was it coincidence that Soujiro had prepared them such a beautiful lunch, or did Sano convince him to? She shook the silly thoughts off and turned to watch Sano present Megumi with the rice-paper package.

Megumi then in turn produced her own package and Sano accepted it with two hands. Together they unwrapped the packages.

Sano unfolded a fresh hakama skirt. It had sharp, clean pleats and was a beautiful rich dark blue. Naruku remembered from some distant past that the hakama given in a Yui-no ceremony was supposed to express fidelity…something Naruku knew Sano would never betray.

Megumi gingerly unfolded a gorgeous obi in a deep pomegranate color. Embroidered into the fabric were cranes with lush, bright plumage, surrounded by delicate gold and white flower petals.

Megumi's mouth simply dropped open at the beautiful garment and she stared at Sano in disbelief. She could feel the familiar prick of tears in her eyes as her vision misted over.

"Sano…" she said softly. "How…"

But Sano was holding something else out to her, another, smaller package. "Oh yeah…forgot this," he mumbled, and then made the mistake of looking up at Megumi's face.

Megumi was completely enraptured. Not since their first kiss had she felt this impressed with Sano. It was not the cost or even the beauty of the obi that thrilled her, but the question of how had Sano picked something out that was so perfectly…

Perfect.

"Here, take it," Sano shook the second package until Megumi accepted it.

She unwrapped it and out tumbled a lovely black fan that Megumi started to slowly expand, until Sano took her hand with his rough, browned one and looked her square in the eyes.

"I love you Megumi," he stated. It was a fact. "And I want to give you everything you deserve.

"Sano—" Megumi began, but Sano silenced her.

"No. Whatever you say, Megumi, you do deserve the best," Sano went on. "And that's why…well, that's not only why, but…I didn't tell you before, but on my way back to Japan, I was offered a job."

"A job?" Megumi asked uncertainly.

Sano nodded. "It's a job in shipping…and I took it. I want to make you happy, Megumi."

Megumi looked down at their entwined hands, the different tones their skins had against the other. "You don't have to have a job to make me happy Sanosuke," she said. She had grown very quiet because she was afraid she couldn't speak much louder without her voice cracking.

Sano tipped her chin up. "I know that…but I want this. I want this for us, and for me. And so that when we start a family, our kids can grow up different than I did. I really, really want that."

Megumi's eyes flickered up to Sano's, and there she felt herself mesmerized, unable to look away.

Instead of responding, she opened the fan that he had given her. It was outlined in violet and navy with a scene of blue-green waves crashing over sapphire rocks. It was a gift that represented happiness, expanding from a narrow rod to a full and beautiful fan, a symbol of a better and bigger future they would share.

Megumi coyly lifted the fan and ducked behind it, a hand on Sano's neck pulling his with her. And behind the veil they kissed, as they had done many times before, but this time it meant one thing: everlasting.

There were many teary eyes and congratulations that greeted the two when they emerged from behind the fan.

"She's the only woman who could ever make me rationalize the prospect of marriage to her," Sano joked noisily. "But then—she's the only woman I'd ever _want _to rationalize it to. I love this woman!"

Hugs and big smiles were exchanged, and there Kenshin could see it.

The beginning of a new age.

* * *

_**Embrace--**_End

* * *

- 

A/N: Could you tell just by the title and quote that this was going to be a sappy one?

Heh, well, I hope you were expecting it, because as fanfics go, this is gonna get sappy. It's an epilogue fic, what do you expect?

All the information about Yui-No ceremonies was found at a website called "Things Japanese." I wish I could post the URL, but unfortunately fanfiction—or should I say QuickEdit?—won't let me. Still, if you have any questions or want to see the site, just PM me and I'll be glad to help out. I've actually done a little bit of research on Japanese weddings and the like so I won't be completely clueless for scenes like this one.

Also, I'm aware that there was supposed to be a scene with Aoshi and Kenshin in this chapter, but I felt that would be a little too much, don't you? Even though this is only a five-page chapter, there were certainly a lot of topics covered, so I hope you can wait until next chapter for Kenshin and Aoshi's talk!

In the meantime, thanks for all your support and please review!


	7. Change

**Disclaimer: Everything that does not belong to me, belongs to Nobuhiro Watsuki and associates (Jump Comics, Shueisha Inc. etc.) Everything that does belong to me, does not belong to you. (But unlike Watsuki, you can ask me for permission to use it!)**

A/N: I have low writing morale at the moment. Or, I did. I'm not sure anymore. But it was like I was _forcing_ myself to write this whole month, and I couldn't, for the life of me, churn out anything worthwhile. There are like five different parts of this chapters that had three different versions _each._ I basically wrote this whole chapter this weekend.

Anyway, hopefully that has passed because, at the moment, I am _very_ happy with the result of all that toil.

Tanoshimu!

-

* * *

-PART ONE-

* * *

_Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved._ -William Jennings Bryan 

**Chapter Seven**

**Change**

**A**fter the jubilation and excitement surrounding Sano and Megumi's marriage announcement had died down—and the couple in question had departed—Kenshin quietly took Kaoru aside from the group.

As everyone was getting up and stretching lazily, ready to take on the rest of the day's chores and activities, Kenshin led Kaoru into the kitchen. Naruku's eyes wandered after them, but she quickly shrugged and refocused on whatever Yahiko had been saying.

Kenshin smiled lightly and shut the door, turning to a bewildered Kaoru.

"Kenshin?" she spoke hesitantly. "What's going on? What do you want to talk to me about?"

Kenshin held up a hand and closed his eyes until Kaoru's questions ceased. "First of all," Kenshin began, opening his eyes again and staring into Kaoru's perplexed face. "I would just like to thank you for giving this one a home for the past couple years."

"Kenshin—" Kaoru tried to break in, but he stopped her.

"It has meant a lot to me…and even more than you continue to open up your heart. It really matters that at least one soul in this world has remained as pure and innocent as yours," Kenshin said, his voice quiet and serious.

Kaoru did not know what to say to this. It left her speechless and still rather confused. Why was he saying all of this to her now?

"Things are changing now, Kaoru-dono. I know you can see it, too," Kenshin went on.

Now Kaoru was concerned. The last time Kenshin had spoken like this, it was right before he'd left her, almost exactly one year ago. She didn't really think he'd do the same again…but could he?

The answer, Kaoru decided, was in Kenshin's heart. And she knew Kenshin's heart; she knew how he felt and how he thought. She closed her eyes and sucked in a deep breath.

"Naruku-dono and I have decided to go to Kyoto," Kenshin said as Kaoru's eyes fluttered open again.

She was silent. He was going to Kyoto. This didn't mean what it had last time. But what it _did_ mean was a mystery to Kaoru. Why would Kenshin want to return there, of all places? It had always been a place of bitter memories for him, Kaoru thought.

Finally she spoke. "How long will you be gone?"

"A week, perhaps more," Kenshin replied, noticing her downcast tone. "I would never abandon my home," he added, and she raised her eyes to meet his.

She smiled gently at him. Those words were all she had needed from him. When they would leave, why they were going, what they would do…none of it mattered to her as long as he returned. The rest was between him and Naruku.

* * *

Naruku sat on the porch underneath a soft gray sky, feeling the chill of wind run goose bumps up her arm. Misao sat to her right, gazing out into the rest of the yard where Kenshin was, strangely enough, teaching Soujiro the correct method of doing the laundry. 

How strange it seemed to see the two rurouni—the two master swordsmen—stooped over a wash bucket, discussing the pressure at which to rub haori coats so that the dirt would loosen, but the fabric would remain soft. But then, Naruku could not think of anything more fitting.

It seemed that Soujiro was ready to take on the arduous task of laundry by himself because Kenshin stood up and shook his hands clean of suds. He glanced over in Naruku and Misao's direction, an easy-going expression on his face. His eyes then rose up above Naruku's head as she sat, and he looked at something behind her, his face grew slightly more staid.

She turned and saw familiar black trouser legs. Aoshi was standing there. He seemed to motionlessly beckon to Kenshin who responded and came over without a word. He stepped between Misao and Naruku and quietly followed Aoshi into the house. Naruku watched them go with an expression of particular bemusement.

Misao reached over and patted Naruku's shoulders in an affectionate way. Her eyes had obviously been followed Kenshin and Aoshi as well, and she gave Naruku a knowing, reassuring smile before turning back to watch Soujiro laugh in pure delight at the soap bubbles forming between his hands.

* * *

"Naruku is a girl that I have known for a very long time," Aoshi began placidly. He and Kenshin sat across from each other, each carefully sipping a cup of steaming tea. 

Kenshin knew that whatever Aoshi wanted to talk about, it was very important to him. So few things in life seemed to be of importance to the Okashira, so Kenshin listened wisely.

"Even if her childhood was interrupted with tragedy, she was always a very content girl," he paused here for a moment before continuing. "There was a light within her, as there was in Misao."

Kenshin looked very solemn. This was why Aoshi had left the Aoiya all those years ago. To protect the lightness that existed in two little girls.

Aoshi's eyes flickered downward, and he was completely still for a moment. "I have seen that light diminish before."

Kenshin searched the contents of his teacup, half-expecting the crazed face of Enizu to appear there. A hissing hatred bubbled up in the pit of his stomach, and he gripped his teacup tighter. This was not an emotion he was accustomed too. Like Aoshi, Kenshin always refrained from deep feelings of hatred. His sense of duty and his morality always came first.

Enizu. The fact that that man managed to raise Kenshin's fine-tuned temper was testament to how deeply Enizu affected him. The dead were just dead, or so Kenshin had always felt. But he had done too much, tortured Naruku for too long. He could not be 'just a person.' He would never be _just dead_.

Aoshi continued after a moment, his voice as even as always. "The time Naruku spent with Enizu gave me more guilt than working for Kanryuu ever did. Naruku was subdued, dispirited and submissive to Enizu."

Kenshin could swear he saw a flash of fury in Aoshi's eyes, but again his voice did not betray him.

"He took the light right out of her."

Kenshin set his teacup down for fear of breaking it.

"But I have seen the two of you together, and I have seen that light—her spirit—return to her. That, above all else, is what I am most grateful to you for."

Aoshi didn't say more than he needed to, and Kenshin understood.

Aoshi felt a deeply engrained duty to Naruku. It was the same duty that Aoshi had upheld to his fallen comrades. He felt responsible for Naruku's ill fate—but he realized it was Kenshin who alone had brought her back from that and restored who she was.

Kenshin knew that it was not him, but Naruku who had mended her own broken spirit. Naruku had never been meant to be anything other than the effervescent girl she was today.

Nevertheless, it was the care of people like Aoshi and Kenshin that had truly shaped her into who she was—not any event or misfortune she had experienced. Aoshi recognized this, and his role in it. He also saw Kenshin's role in it, and the future he and Naruku were reaching for. Aoshi was giving Kenshin the right to be the person who would care for Naruku, to be the person she turned to indefinitely.

Both men knew this right could only be given by Naruku—but the fact that Aoshi had made this gesture made both of their intentions clear. It was all of the resolve Kenshin needed, and he bowed his head in deep gratitude to Aoshi, who nodded back. And the two men sat and sipped tea in silence, never having reached an agreement as remarkable as that.

* * *

It was the day Naruku and Kenshin would leave. The two of them had not explicitly discussed it, but it was some how known between them that they day of their departure had come. 

So when Kenshin approached Naruku in the light of the morning, she already knew what he was going to say and nodded accordingly. Her bags were neatly packed, sitting in her bedroom, but she still had one thing left to do before they left.

Heart thudding in her head, Naruku nervously strode over to where Soujiro stood by the dojo gate, overlooking the hillside.

"Beautiful here, isn't it?" Naruku said, startling the young man.

He smiled politely. "Certainly."

Biting her lip and anxiously flexing her fingers over the sheath of her hanashitou, Naruku gave a tense smile back.

"I was just thinking about how lucky Himura-san was to find Kamiya-san and this dojo," Soujiro said reflectively, turning back to look at the landscape.

"He was," Naruku said quietly, letting her hand fall from her sword. "We all were. And…" unsure if she was bold enough to say it, Naruku gulped. "You were very lucky to find Misao-chan."

Soujiro turned to her, the surprise clearly showing on his features. He moved his mouth slowly and uttered, "Yes, I was."

Then, her thoughts growing more and more resolute, Naruku said, "You didn't have a particularly _happy_ childhood, did you Seta-san?"

Partially bewildered by her forwardness, Soujiro answered, "Why do you think that?"

Naruku's reply was simple. "The way you look when Misao is with you. When she's holding your hand or smiling or looking at you with an expression of complete trust. You look like you can't believe it, not for a second. But you do anyway."

"I'm learning to," Soujiro answered. "But what about you, Kokorei-san? What was your past?"

Naruku frowned. "I don't know. It _seemed _happy. Hard to believe now, but back then I was happy. But then, the past doesn't matter now, right?"

"On the contrary, I think it matters a great deal," Soujiro said. "Or we wouldn't be the people we are."

Naruku thought about this. She remembered the story of Tomoe, Kenshin's late wife. She'd heard the story quite a while ago, but now and then she couldn't help reflecting on the beauty of Kenshin and Tomoe's love, and the tragedy of its demise. She wondered if Kenshin could look back and remember the beauty.

Naruku knew better than anyone how much the simple act of caring can change a person. For Soujiro, that care was enough to keep him from insanity. For Kenshin, it had stopped him from becoming a cold killer, the very person Enizu accused him of being.

Perhaps it was that thought that then drove Naruku to say, "I never thanked you for what you did for me. And Kenshin. Risking yourself like that."

Soujiro didn't respond for a few moments. A gust of wind blew around them and then Soujiro answered, "I'm not sure why I did it."

"But you did," Naruku pressed. "And it saved my life. So thank you."

"I wonder…did Himura-san ever tell you of the time he fought with me on Mt. Hiei?" Soujiro asked suddenly.

Naruku shook her head. "It's not really like him to drudge up old battle stories."

Soujiro nodded and continued. "He beat me with his ougi technique. It was too much for my own secret technique, and I was outmatched. But this time, when our swords met in Castle Edo, mine was the victor. It was the same techniques, the same fighter, but a different situation. And I realized…my sword was stronger because I swung it to protect someone. As strange as that seems…" Soujiro laughed lightly at this, sounding as much the innocent young child as he looked. "But it's what I believe."

Naruku believed it too. She slowly reached up to her sheath again, and unclipped it from her belt. "I've used this sword many times to try to uphold that belief. It is my father's sword, and it was his beliefs I tried to protect. The Hiten Mitsurugi I learned was a lie, but mine, Kenshin's and my father's values were not. And never in my life had I been able to defend them as wholly as you did in those few seconds. So here, I offer you my sword in hopes that you can protect the ones you care about better than I have."

She slowly extended it, hilt-forward, to him.

Soujiro stared at the sword being offered to him. He remembered how it had felt in his hands before, when he had charged into battle selflessly to defend Naruku in that time of peril.

But could he take it from her? How could his stained soul possibly achieve what she was asking? Naruku was far better fit to uphold these beliefs than he, tarnished and broken from his past.

She smiled at him as he hesitated. And then he understood. It was not an honor she was offering him, but an obligation she was giving him. A reason to stay true to his promises and newfound beliefs.

Not only was she entrusting her belief to him, but also the fate of some one she loved.

Misao. She was telling him to protect Misao.

Soujiro slowly reached his hand out and wrapped it around the hilt of her sword. Her smile grew as he pulled it out of its sheathe and watched it shine flawlessly in the golden light of the morning.

After marveling over it for a moment, Soujiro took the gray steel sheath from Naruku and slid the sword inside. He clipped it to his belt, completing the transaction, and let it rest peacefully at his hip.

"Thank you," he said in a tone of deep sincerity.

Naruku nodded, the corners of her mouth curved into a serene smile. The feeling of loss after giving the sword to Soujiro quickly diminished in light of a new, blooming feeling in her chest. This was right, she felt it.

And now, finally, she could begin her journey down the road of redemption.

* * *

_May 8_

_Meiji 13_

_Naruku-dono and I departed from Tokyo earlier today. We did not want to make it a big deal when we left, but there were still many goodbyes and good lucks exchanged as we left. We even stopped at the Akabeko and Tae-dono gave us her well wishes._

_I can tell that Naruku-dono is excited to go to Kyoto, but scared as well. She hides her fear well, but it is still there. I don't know what she hopes to find in Kyoto, or even if she hopes at all. _

_I noticed when we left that she did not have her hanashitou. I saw later that Soujiro was carrying it. She didn't explain it, and I did not ask. Whatever transpired between them has put her in good spirits. And after drinking tea with Aoshi yesterday, I am feeling the same. _

_I know whatever we find in Kyoto, it will change things. Change is a natural process of life and I have seen it occurring more and more with the passing days. Naruku-dono sees it as well and she smiles; welcoming the change as she always has._

_At this moment, that is the most important thing to me, and I will follow her lead._

_

* * *

_

_**Change--**End_

_

* * *

- _

A/N: I'd like to thank everyone who continues to read and review. It really means a lot to me, and my day is that much better when I know people are reading my work and thinking about it enough to tell me what they think. So thank you.

Also I want to let you know about an experimental forum I started called "The OC Exchange." Check it out.


	8. Stand Up

**Disclaimer: Everything that does not belong to me, belongs to Nobuhiro Watsuki and associates (Jump Comics, Shueisha Inc. etc.) Everything that does belong to me, does not belong to you. (But unlike Watsuki, you can ask me for permission to use it!)**

I'm very proud to finally get this chapter out.

The actual production of this chapter took a long time, and I'm not sure why. I think because it's a bunch of fairly unrelated scenes all trying to give their own message, and it was a little difficult to make it flow. I hope I succeeded.

The lyrics for this chapter are from a song that I love very much. It's beautiful and the first time I heard it, I thought of a very stunning sunset, so that sort of explains why it's in here.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this long-awaited chapter.

-

* * *

-PART ONE-

* * *

_We will lay down on the ground and_  
_ Put our cheeks against the dirt down_  
_ Where it no longer matters_  
_ Where you've been_  
--Eels "In the Yard, Behind the Church" 

**Chapter Eight**  
**Stand Up**

**O**n the third night, Naruku woke up crying. The two of them were sleeping underneath a tree on the side of a gently flowing river. Lying with her face up to the stars, Naruku had awoken suddenly, tears streaking down her cheeks. She stayed like for a moment, watching the light of the stars blur together through her tears. Then she turned on her side to face Kenshin and found that he was already awake, peering at her with a strangely contemplative expression.

And without a word he enfolded her shoulder with his arm and drew her closer to him, allowing her to scoot over and rest her head against his chest, where his heart was beating softly.

Kenshin heard quiet sniffling that told him Naruku was resisting the tears that sprung from her eyes. He clasped onto her tighter. They remained like that for a while, both wondering whether they should break the tranquil silence.

Finally Naruku spoke. "I just keep thinking about his last words," she whispered in a voice laden with tears.

Kenshin remembered them too.

_You can never escape. _

"I know what it is, too," Naruku went on. "What I can never escape from."

She had stopped crying and she was speaking in a clear voice to the clouds in the sky.

"It's me."

It was spoken so simply, with such ease that it frightened Kenshin. He never wanted her to take this so easily and act like it wasn't a big deal.

It was a big deal, and Naruku was trying not to be hurt by it. But Kenshin was hurt by it—perhaps more than he could say.

"Or rather, that part of me…The part that _wanted_ to kill him. I keep thinking about that, too. He had Misao, but he let her go…and I charged anyway. I didn't kill him to protect her, or me, or you. I killed him because I wanted to." _Because I thought it was the only way to escape…and in reality, it was the only way to make sure that I never would._

"There's always going to be that dark part of me, Kenshin. And it's never going to go away…and I don't know if it will ever stop scaring me. Because it scares me a lot, Kenshin. Didn't it scare you?"

As Kenshin held her there under the moonlight, he knew what she meant. This was what made her eyes smolder with acid and her voice crackle with ice. This was what made her face twist in hatred and rage. It was her dark side, her demon, her _Battousai._

And it was the one thing Kenshin could never protect her from.

Herself.

* * *

"You better not be getting us lost, Kenshin," Naruku chided lightly as she climbed through the brush. 

"It's just beyond here, that it is," Kenshin replied cheerfully, holding back a springy branch and letting Naruku duck past him.

She stopped suddenly and faintly noticed Kenshin standing right beside her.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" he said to her, pleased at her astonished reaction.

It certainly was beautiful.

The Kinkaku shrine—or Golden Pavilion—was a sight Naruku had been pining to see since she was a small girl. And gazing at it up close with Kenshin at her side simply stole her breath away. She turned to Kenshin with a glimmer in her eye.

"Let's get closer."

Together they climbed through the bushes and skirted around the edge of the lake until they stood at the very foot of the golden temple. Naruku gaped in awe until Kenshin took her arm and led her onto the deck, around to where they were facing the glittering water of the large Kagamiike pond.

In a moment the sun began to set and the result was absolutely breathtaking. Warm pinks and brilliant blues stretched across the sky, reflecting off the gold-leaf walls and casting them in a rose-colored glow.

Kenshin glanced at Naruku, an expression of deep content flowering on his features. He placed his hand on top of hers as the two stood looking across an endless stretch of water, illuminated by the radiant colors of the sky.

* * *

Of course as soon as they arrived in Kyoto, Naruku and Kenshin knew they would have to visit the Aoiya. How they would be received there was the real question, the answer to which was completely unknowable. 

As nervous as they were approaching the restaurant, they were even more anxious waiting inside for Okina.

"The two of you must be downright exhausted!" Omasu supposed cheerfully.

"We're all right," Naruku replied quietly. Omasu was someone who Naruku had felt fairly close to in her childhood, but now she was little more than an acquaintance.

"Well you must be starved," Okon piped up. "We'll have dinner as soon as Okina gets here."

"That would be very nice, thank you," Kenshin replied, a polite smile on his face.

Omasu nodded along. "Say, what's been going on with Misao-chan lately? And Aoshi-sama?"

"They're…" Naruku trailed off and wanted to turn to Kenshin for an answer.

They're… what? In love? Having a great time in Tokyo? Not planning to return soon? Or ever? None of these things seemed like something Naruku could reveal.

Kenshin rescued her by interjecting, "They're both in good health."

"Oh! Well so is your master Hiko," Okon put in, and earned a sharp glare from Omasu.

Kenshin looked rather startled. Before he could say anything on the subject, heavy footsteps were heard down the hall.

"Kuro! Shiro!" Omasu called, and sounds of the two men grunting in reply followed. "Guess who we've got here! A couple of visitors."

After clambering down the hallway, Kuro and Shiro both appeared in the kitchen.

And their tired, weary eyes suddenly gained new light.

"Naru-chan! Himura-san!" Kuro cried plunking a barrel of rice on Shiro's foot.

"Naru-chan!" Shiro repeated after the pain subsided.

Naruku beamed. "Good evening!"

"Wh-wh…Where'd you come from?" Shiro asked, confounded.

Naruku and Kenshin exchanged glances and laughed. "Tokyo, of course!"

"But…when did you get here?" Kuro wanted to know.

"Just now, right before you," Naruku answered. "Where's Okina?"

Her answer came from the man himself as he strutted into the kitchen, not even taking notice of Naruku or Kenshin. Immediately he sat down at the table and demanded to know when dinner was.

"Well?" he barked. "What's the hold up?"

"Still as grumpy as ever, I see," Naruku said laughing, and that's when Okina's sharp gaze swiveled over to her and Kenshin, who sat pleasantly with his hands folded.

"Himura-san," he greeted hoarsely. And then he cuffed Naruku's shoulder.

"Ow, Jiiya!" she complained.

With her with a huff he turned away, as if refusing to speak to her.

Rubbing her shoulder, she sighed. "Sorry I haven't written in a while."

"And…?" Okina replied irritably as the five others looked on in amusement.

Again, Naruku sighed. "_And_ that I didn't make Misao return. Or Aoshi."

"_And?_"

Her sigh was bigger and she rolled her eyes. "And Okina is the greatest ninja in Japan. He gets all the girls."

Turning back, Okina suddenly looked perfectly happy. "That's better."

"You're embarrassing," Naruku shot back.

He shook his head as Okon got up from her seat to finish fixing them dinner. "So, Himura-san, what are you doing here?"

"We…" he stole a look at Naruku, who kept her face carefully neutral. "We thought we'd see the sights for once."

It wasn't the truth, but it wasn't a lie that the two of them had made a few stops at famous temples and the like.

"How nice," Okina said. "And how is Kaoru-san at the dojo?"

Okon and Omasu were serving the miso soup at this point so it was several moments before Naruku replied around a mouthful of rice, "She's doing great. The dojo is doing great, too. She and Aoshi are…um, certainly getting along."

Omasu and Okon barely stifled their giggles in bowls of salty soup. Kuro and Shiro were guffawing outright. Naruku wore a guilty smile, as if she had given away some secret.

Dinner continued with amiable chat from all sides, and Naruku very much enjoyed the atmosphere. Though part of her wished she were out under the stars with Kenshin, sitting around a fire as it cooked their meal of frogs.

As she thought of this, she turned subconsciously toward Kenshin and noticed a grain on sticky white rice clinging to his left cheek, right next to his jaw line. Without even thinking about it, she reached forward to pluck it off. As her fingers brushed the smooth surface of his skin, she found that suddenly all eyes were on the two of them.

She stopped and let her hand drop, not daring to raise her eyes to meet the gazes of everyone else gathered around the table. Then she slowly lifted her eyes to Okina's face, which was staring stone still at her. She would look anywhere rather than Kenshin.

Hastily flicking the troublesome grain of rice away, Naruku ducked her head and began eating her food with steadfast vigor. Hurrying her food into her mouth, she staunchly kept her head down and refused to raise her eyes to anyone.

Dinner passed without so much as a reference to Naruku's production, and when it came time for after dinner tea, Naruku declined and fled readily.

Only Kenshin was able to find her later on the roof, which she had climbed onto to continue her dogged endeavor to avoid everyone else.

She was embarrassed, and Kenshin realized this as he sat down beside her, silently watching the twilight sky fade into darkness.

"I'm sorry," Naruku spoke quietly, not even turning to face Kenshin.

He was silent. There was no need to apologize to him, but it seemed like one way Naruku could deal with her discomfort.

Seeming to realize this, Naruku turned suddenly and began speaking very quickly. "You know, I'm not actually sorry, it's just I'm not used to this. Being able to do stuff like…that, and it's not you I'm embarrassed in front of, it's everyone else. Because if they see us like that, then they think that's how it is all the time, that it's something I'm _supposed _to do, and I'm not and it isn't. But…" at this point in her babbling, she tugged her hair and her voice began to peter out. "But I _could_ be supposed to…if you wanted."

Kenshin considered this, and realized he had absolutely no way to answer a question he could hardly comprehend.

So he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and leaned in to kiss the side of her forehead. His lips had barely brushed her skin when she turned, her mouth partly open and Kenshin leaned down, covering them with his own.

In the dim light of the fading moon, they kissed.

* * *

With a wooden bucket full of water and chrysanthemum flowers spilling out, Naruku stood at the gate of the graveyard, gazing up. Hair covered her eyes so Kenshin could not see the expression on her face, but he assumed she was apprehensive. Apprehensive, albeit determined. The handle of the bucket was gripped tighter. 

She turned to Kenshin, who stood several steps in front of her with a similar bucket in his hands, and she gave a light flickering of her eyes, signifying her consent to enter.

Together they did, traveling side-by-side down the rows of trim graves without a word.

The starch smell of gravel and dirt mingled with the soft scents of chrysanthemum and bamboo flowers. At last they reached the grave.

As if trying to negate its existence, Naruku stared at it for a moment. Then she set her wooden bucket down with a muted clack sound and dropped to her knees, eyes closed. Her occludent tendencies troubled Kenshin, for it was only recently that she had opened up to him again, but he sank down beside her and she began to speak.

"Good morning, Akeri," Naruku began in a soft, hesitant voice. "When I learned that you had passed on, I didn't want to believe it. Even after you…went to the psychiatric ward in Hokkaido, I never thought all hope was lost. But there's no coming back from death, is there? I guess I know that too well now."

Automatically she glanced at Kenshin who gazed at her solemnly, just noticing the traces of tears in her eyes, the vulnerability there. She was saying it aloud, he knew, so he could hear. Because he needed to hear.

"Remember who I told you about…the man who ruled me for seven years? He is dead now, like you, like Nishiwaki, like my father. Just soil and ashes now. But he will never be just soil and ashes to me, he can't. I was hurt too much by him, in life and in death. Just how Nishiwaki hurt you too much for you to forget. That's how you died, isn't it?

"But I promise you, I won't let that happen to me. I have this man beside me now, Kenshin. Just as you had your sister and Hiroji. But you couldn't depend on their love entirely, I neither can I. As much as he gives me strength, I hope I can find the courage that you did not have. There will always be a part of me that has this hatred and this hurt, but I fight for my own happiness now. And I thank you for—" tears raced down her cheeks without her consent. "For showing me that—even…" sobs bubbled up in her throat and her last words were a whisper. "Even if you couldn't fight for your own."

With that she bowed her head and took up the sanctified bucket of water and flowers, tossing the contents onto the grave in blessing. Then she clasped her hands and said a few words in private prayer before standing up, a stick of incense burning in her place.

Kenshin was already standing behind her, his pride in her bursting. She was understanding, growing and moving on. Never having seen someone step forward so gracefully, Kenshin purled her hand in his own as they went on. Not a moment later they were walking with their steps perfectly synchronized down another row of marble graves. This time it was Kenshin's steps that were tarred and hesitant.

And it was Naruku who led him on dynamically, so much that Kenshin was grateful. Her eyes were trained on him as they passed by lines of graves, so when his steps slowed almost to a halt, she didn't know why.

Slowly, she turned to face where Kenshin's eyes were fixed, and all became clear. Lips pursed uncertainly, Naruku's green eyes, now dry of tears, flickered from Kenshin to the silhouette standing by a grave.

And still walking, though painfully slowly, she and Kenshin approached the figure until they were not three meters away. Then they stopped resolutely and waited. The figure turned, exposing all of his face in tinted marine fury.

"You," he rasped, his jaw clenched and his shoulders slumped.

The name was a wisp of smoke. "Enishi."

And Naruku followed the two with her eyes, her breath stopped with the rest of the world.

* * *

_**Stand Up--**_End

* * *

-

I have no idea about grave-visiting rituals in Japan, even after attempting to do research via google. I usually like to have everything historically and culturally accurate, but I had to wing it on this one. My extensive research had very little outcome, and I basically just had to refer to Rurouni Kenshin manga 18.

I hope this chapter was to your liking, and I hope that the first real cliffhanger of this fic has got you apprehensive. That's what they're for, you know.

And yes, I finally made good on my promise to have Enishi come back and play a bigger role. Let's see what happens next...

Thanks for your continuous support, I really love reading all of your comments. I am convinced they help me grow immensely as an author. So thank you.


	9. Awaken

**Disclaimer: Everything that does not belong to me, belongs to Nobuhiro Watsuki and associates (Jump Comics, Shueisha Inc. etc.) Everything that does belong to me, does not belong to you.**

A/n: All this wait and the chapter is _tiny!_ I am truly a terrible person. I think this is the longest I've ever kept people waiting for a fic. The worst part is there is no logical reason why this chapter wasn't out three weeks ago, other than the fact that it just wasn't written yet! So I know I've probably lost a lot of readers, but at least this fic is continuing!

-

* * *

-PART ONE-

* * *

_When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on._ -Franklin D. Roosevelt

**Chapter Nine**

**Awaken**

**N**aruku looked warily between the two men. Their eyes were locked on each other—one pair blue and full of anger, the other violet, clouded with apprehension. A hand gripped Naruku's wrist tightly. Looking down, she saw it was Kenshin's, and he was pulling her behind him, to safety, with much more force than he would in a normal situation.

Perhaps because of the events at Castle Edo, Kenshin was so protective over Naruku in the face of danger. After all, she had been used against Kenshin and thus put in peril more than just once.

But who said this adversary would do the same?

"Battousai," the green-eyed man spat. "You dare come here?"

Kenshin remained willfully silent, his hand locked on Naruku's wrist.

"You dare set foot here—and with _her?_"

"Me?" Bewildered, Naruku took a subconscious step back, only to be tugged forward by Kenshin, who seemed adamant to keep her close by his side.

The young man in front of them sneered. "Is this your replacement for my sister? This skinny imitation?"

Naruku had mind enough to hold her tongue, no matter how much she wanted to lash out at this man. As the flare of anger subsided, Naruku's thoughts cleared. _His sister?_ _Here?_ Kenshin's reaction to this man's appearance made sense now. This was Enishi, Tomoe's younger brother. The one who had witnessed his sister's murder, and who had sworn revenge on the murderer.

Kenshin's hold on her wrist loosened until his hand dropped off hers entirely. She withdrew and Kenshin turned around, facing her. Without a sound, he unclipped his sword from his belt.

"Keep your sword, Battousai," Enishi snarled. "I can cut you down as you hold it."

Kenshin didn't react to these words; instead he eased the sakabatou into Naruku's waiting hands. Open-mouthed, she stared as he turned back to face Enishi, free of weapons.

"What matters is not what you _can_ do. It is what you _will _do," Kenshin answered, drawing closer to Enishi. When he was no more than a breath away, he said in a voice so soft that Naruku had to strain to hear, "Will you kill me, Yukishiro Enishi?"

Naruku's throat constricted. She brought the sakabatou to her chest and hugged it close. How could he sacrifice his life so easily, just for the one man's revenge? Didn't he realize, didn't he know he had to live? She knew he did, but…

But Kenshin stood in front of Enishi unwavering, not a flash of regret or doubt in his amethyst eyes.

How could he be so confident that this grief-stricken, possibly unstable man wouldn't actually kill him? And if he did…and if he—

In a flash Enishi unsheathed his sword and cut through the air, the blade slicing in towards Kenshin's neck. In this panic-wrought moment, Naruku's breath hitched, her hands tightened around Kenshin's sword, her knees quivered and she could feel her heart plummeting to the floor.

And then it was still. Naruku let out a breath she didn't know she had been holding. Enishi's sword had stopped, millimeters from slicing Kenshin's throat open and spilling his blood onto Tomoe's grave.

Kenshin looked as calm as he ever had, staring stoically into Enishi's rage-filled face. The younger man was clearly at odds with himself, angry and disgusted that he couldn't kill this man…the man who had destroyed his sister's life.

Paying no mind to the blade that hung near his throat, Kenshin slowly turned away and began walking back to Naruku, whose face held a beatific smile of relief.

"Battousai," Enishi roared, coming over in three quick strides. His hand gripped the front of Kenshin's gi and in his eyes there was nothing but hard fury. "I would make you suffer if I could…make you suffer like you did to her!"

His words were low, angry and forceful. Kenshin merely looked at him out of the corner of his eye, a passive, almost bored expression on his face.

Enishi released Kenshin and paced back to Tomoe's headstone.

Kenshin quietly took the sakabatou back from Naruku's quivering hands. He put a hand on the small of her back and gave her a fleeting look of consolation. She summoned a smile in return and flicked her eyes to where Enishi stood, his back facing them.

His neck was arched to the sky and one hand bent over to grip the back of his neck.

Naruku stared, perplexed, along with Kenshin.

"What's that?" she spoke finally.

Kenshin followed her line of sight and Enishi whipped around, staring at Naruku as if he had just spotted her.

To her surprise, there was no contempt in his expression and the absence of it made Naruku realize how young he looked. In all likelihood, he was probably no more than a year older than herself.

"It's her diary," Kenshin stated suddenly, looking down at the little black book that rested against Tomoe's headstone.

Enishi snatched up the book with a frown.

"You read it," Kenshin realized at once, his face stoic. "That's why you couldn't kill me. Because you knew her smile would be lost to you forever if you did."

Naruku stared at the two men, her apprehension turning into curiosity. She inhaled; her breath hitched slightly.

"Her name is Tomoe," she said, her voice low, but steady.

The two men turned to her in surprise.

She faltered under their gazes, but then continued, "Neither of you has said her name. Not once. It's Tomoe."

The name rang out crisply in the silence that followed. Then Ensihi's shoulders slumped forward, his entire form crumpled.

"Tomoe…"

It was as if Naruku has scooped the tension right out of the air, leaving only three forlorn figures standing around a woman's grave.

"Battousai was right…you wouldn't smile for me. Did you smile for him? Sister…"

Naruku started to come towards Enishi, reaching out, but Kenshin put a hand on her shoulder and slowly shook his head.

He didn't take his hand off her shoulder as they watched Enishi shake, small utterances of "_Sister…_" emitting like breaths from his mouth.

"You came here knowing you couldn't kill me…so if it wasn't for that, why did you come here?" Kenshin asked after several moments.

Enishi raised his eyes. "I came here for _Jinchuu._"

Kenshin looked momentarily shocked, and that protective grip returned as his hand tightened on Naruku's shoulder. The sudden shock subsided in a matter of seconds and he relaxed again.

When Enishi spoke again, his voice was muffled. "But before I could complete it…I returned to China."

"Why?" Naruku asked immediately.

He looked at her with a weary expression. "In order to obtain everything I needed for Jinchuu, I had to do business with men I would normally not want to associate with. Business men, you see, have but one agenda—to get rich. And they do whatever it takes to achieve that. I, of course, had an entirely separate goal. Because I was not after money, we were able to come to many mutual agreements. But then Wu Heishin, my strategist and right-hand man, got us involved in a deal that I disapproved of. I was never a business man, and Heishin was never a fighter. But this man that we got involved with was both. I should have realized then how dangerous a combination it was, but I was too blinded by my hatred for you, Battousai."

"Who was this man?" Kenshin asked as Enishi paused in his story.

"He was the brother of a client, which is how we got in contact…his name was Takeda Enizu."

His name struck like a gong in Naruku's chest. She felt herself sinking, her knees shaking. She had just gotten over it, ready to move on. This sudden mention caught her off guard. She was not expecting it and the presence of his name disturbed her. He was a part of this story.

"He wanted me out of the deal from the start. He knew I was dangerous, just as I knew he wasn't to be trusted. I pleaded with Heishin to get out of it, but Takeda made an offer that Heishin couldn't refuse. And suddenly Heishin was more willing to cooperate with Takeda's wishes than my own. I had to leave. With what little I had left, I ran to Japan. Six of my comrades remained with me, but I had lost all my sources and with them, your whereabouts. So in Japan I stayed, trying to build up enough firepower and gain enough information for my Jinchuu.

"What I hadn't counted on was Takeda. I thought that once he had driven me away, he wouldn't seek me out again. He did. It turned out it was not money that he wanted, but his own revenge on you, Battousai. And he wasn't about to share that with anyone."

"Did you fight?" Naruku asked, her tone far more anxious than she meant.

Enishi turned his face to her.

"No. He killed several of my comrades, one by one. I found out that he had already killed Heishin after getting what he wanted. I was next, but I wasn't going to wait around for Takeda to come find me."

"Did you go back to China, then?" Kenshin asked slowly.

"No," Enishi answered. "I came here to ask forgiveness from _sister._ I promised I would get revenge for her. But then…"

He paused and there was silence.

Naruku opened her mouth. She understood. "Then you found that." She pointed. "Tomoe's diary."

Enishi looked slightly irritated with Naruku's interjections into his story.

"So then that's why you went back to China," Kenshin concluded after Enishi said nothing.

"Yes," he replied after some time. "That is why."

Naruku stared between the two men. All tension had disappeared and now it was just the two of them, studying each other.

"One last question," Kenshin spoke. "Do you hate me?"

Enishi was silent for a very long time as Naruku swayed gently, waiting for his answer with bated breath. Enishi's answer was not a simple matter. What he said could affect Kenshin in a very real way. Enishi had read Tomoe's diary, he knew Tomoe's innermost thoughts about Kenshin.

If the answer was no, Kenshin would be that much closer to forgiving himself for Tomoe's death. If the man who has spent his life trying to get revenge for the deed accepted him, then Kenshin could accept himself. If the answer was yes…Naruku shivered. If the answer was yes, Kenshin would feel as if the answer was from Tomoe's own lips.

Naruku and Kenshin had just taken one very big step forward. She didn't want to have to take two steps back.

"…no," Enishi answered slowly. Then, more resolutely, "No."

Naruku's breath let out and she reached out, grasping Kenshin's arm gently. She heard his own breath leave his body, and watched as Enishi turned away.

With his back to them, Enishi muttered, "If I did, I would have to hate myself."

He started to walk away, finally.

"Don't you?" Naruku's query stopped him. The question hung in the air like a damp rain cloud.

"Hate myself?" Enishi asked without turning around. There was a pause. "Maybe."

"Okay," Naruku answered, her hand still resting on Kenshin's forearm.

Enishi began walking away.

"Wait!" Naruku cried out again. "Aren't you going to…" her eyes were on the black diary.

Enishi knew what she was going to ask. He kept walking.

* * *

"Where do you think he'll go?"

Naruku's sudden question made Kenshin stop in his steps. They were just outside Kyoto, the setting sun leaving its orange-pink stain across their features. It had been about two hours since they departed from the Aoiya, bidding everyone there a goodbye and promising to give everyone at the dojo their well wishes. Laden with small gifts and candies, Naruku and Kenshin's penchant for traveling light was broken this time.

"Who, Enishi?" Kenshin replied to Naruku's earlier query.

"Yes," Naruku answered as the resumed walking. "I mean, he's not going back to China, is he? And it doesn't really sound like he has a home here, either."

She was thoughtful, but not persistent. It was a mere musing in her mind, a question to pass the time.

"What you must understand is that Enishi's entire life has been ripped apart," Kenshin explained. "Since a very young age, Enishi had his life dictated him by his sister's actions. Whatever she wanted, he wanted with fervor. When she died, the only conclusion his young mind could come up with is that what she wanted was to see me dead. He spent his whole life living by this supposition. To find out, after so much time, that he was wrong…it turned his life upside down. Now he has nothing to live by, no code if _Jinchuu._ It's as if his whole life has been a waste."

"And has it?"

Kenshin looked at her thoughtfully. "That is a conclusion that Enishi must draw for himself. But what about you? What's your conclusion?"

Naruku stared at the sky as it slowly darkened. Pinpricks of light appeared in the thick blanket of twilight. "I think Enishi cared for his sister very much," she said at last. "And…if he was truly willing to do whatever it took to make her happy, he would forgive himself. And you."

Kenshin gazed at the girl by his side as she pulled ahead, smiling. "Perhaps…perhaps that's really all Tomoe wanted in the end," he whispered, mostly to himself. "For the world to keep turning. For life to go on."

He trotted forward and grasped Naruku tenderly by the hand. She looked over her shoulder at him, her short hair flipped behind her, and grinned, the light reaching her eyes. Kenshin had not seen such a look on her face in weeks. It was enough to let his heart believe that his life, and the lives of those around him, _would_ go on.

* * *

_**Awaken**--_end

* * *

- 

A/n: Next chapter is the last chapter of part one! Stay tuned (I swear it will be out soon.)


	10. This Moment

**Disclaimer: Everything that does not belong to me, belongs to Nobuhiro Watsuki and associates (Jump Comics, Shueisha Inc. etc.) Everything that does belong to me, does not belong to you.**

A/N: I am so sorry for the wait, again, but at least this time the chapter is plenty long. Also, this is the first time a chapter out of this fic has been beta-ed, so hopefully the number of mistakes will be decreased and the quality will be all around better.

Thanks Liem for betaing!

Oh, also, since this is the last chapter of part one, the title gets to be special, and therefore it is not following the pattern that has been set so far of it being a verb.

Enjoy!

-

* * *

-PART ONE-

* * *

_Black bird singing in the dead of night_

_Take these broken wings and learn to fly_

_All your life_

_You were only waiting for this moment to arrive_

_--_The Beatles "Blackbird"

**Chapter Ten**

**This Moment**

**T**he wedding of Sano and Megumi occurred one warm spring day. There was little preamble to it, and the audience was limited to only the current residence of the dojo and Outa.

The ceremony was simple, following the tradition of Shinto weddings. Everything was perfect and in place…except for the people attending.

Far from being the stoic on-lookers they should have been, Megumi and Sano's friends were all in varied states of euphoria.

Kaoru's head was bowed, though the task of hiding that wide smile was not so easily achieved. Next to her, Kenshin's expression was one of joy, a smile dancing in his eyes but not showing on his lips. But none was so unraveled in their happiness than Naruku, whose bright, delicious smile could have been in no stranger company than with the tears that poured steadily down her cheeks.

And yet in front of them, Megumi remained as poised as a picture-perfect bride as she drank from the nuptial sake cups. A smile was hidden coyly between her painted lips.

Beside her, Sano could not keep a loving smile off his face when they repeated a Shinto prayer asking for a long, fruitful marriage that would not be interrupted by hardship or disease.

But then Megumi's hand shot out, grabbing onto Sano's satin sleeve and a small smile of excitement surfaces as the ceremony ended, and they were married.

* * *

"It was a lovely service, wasn't it?" Kaoru ventured lightly, traveling back to the dojo beside Aoshi in the late afternoon sun. "I've never seen a wedding before…Sano and Megumi seem so happy. I'm sure they'll both enjoy traveling 'around the world' as Sano put it. Where do you think they'll go?" 

Aoshi was silent and Kaoru got the sense that he was listening not a whit to her. She knew effortless chatter was not his inclination, but he had never outright ignored her before…

Her silent fuming was about to become a lot more vocal and frankly dangerous, when Aoshi spoke up.

"Kamiya-san, I'm afraid I can't give you what you want any longer."

It was his tone, the use of her family name and finally his words that made Kaoru stop short.

"W-what?" she stammered, barely trusting herself to stand. With just a few simple words, Aoshi had brought the world crashing down on the young shihondai. "What do you mean?"

"This life that you dream of. Marriage, stability, a husband. I can't give you that. I'm sorry."

He looked sorry, very sorry, almost as if his heart was breaking worse than hers. But it wasn't enough for Kaoru.

She was furious. "Don't presume to know what it is I want, Shinomori Aoshi!"

"I presume nothing," was the answer, the words hard and unflinching.

"Then how in the _hell_ do you have the right to tell me what I _dream_ of. A husband, marriage? You think _that's _what's most important to me? You don't know me at all." The livid expression on Kaoru's face should have made Aoshi realize how very wrong he was, but instead he was that much more persistent in his point.

"Your eyes in the shrine told a different story," Aoshi returned.

Kaoru was all too aware of how uneasy she was making him. He expected this to be a clean-cut conversation, a few last words before walking away forever. Instead it turned into this ugly exchange…

Just another thing to add to the list of things Aoshi was wrong about.

"No matter how happy you are now, Kaoru, you long for something more. Something I can't give you," Aoshi echoed. "I'm…"

"You know what Aoshi?" Kaoru's tone was brisk, businesslike. "This isn't about me. This is about _you_ and your assumptions, your mistakes, and whatever's going on in that weird head of yours."

_Underneath that beautiful black hair and beyond those gorgeous blue…_she shook her head vehemently. _Stop it, Kaoru._

"You can't just decide that I've become obsessed with marriage just because my friends got married. I don't see how this changes anything. I really don't," her voice petered out and she knew if she said anything more, she'd cry. She hated that.

Aoshi bowed his head. "Kaoru," he was stern. "Whether or not you are thinking about marriage yet is not the issue. But the fact that Sagara-san has been recently married is enough to make me think about the future. And more importantly, your future, which will never blossom with me at your side."

"So _what?_" Kaoru snarled. "So now you don't love me anymore? So now, suddenly, you're not _good_ enough to love me? What the hell am I supposed to _say_ to that, Aoshi? 'Oh, thanks, this has been fun, why don't you go on your way and I'll go on mine!' No thank you! This is never going to play out like you want it to."

Aoshi seemed to realize that. He had also realized that, despite her fierce tone, there were tears in Kaoru's eyes. He struggled with himself, wondering if he should pretend like he hadn't seen them at all.

One salty drop rolled down her cheek and dropped under her chin and Aoshi couldn't ignore it any longer.

"I never meant to cause you pain," he stated quietly. "That, you have to believe."

She was full on sobbing and she hated herself for it. Couldn't stand that she couldn't calm down, couldn't get words out. "It's a little hard when I'm standing here with my heart torn to shreds and I don't even know why! Do you really not love me anymore, Aoshi? Did you _ever_ love me? Do you just want to walk away and pretend like…" she drew in a deep, heaving breath. "Pretend like this—you and me, never happened?"

He looked her straight in the eye and answered without falter. "No, Kaoru, that's not what I want at all."

"Then _what? _Why are you doing this?" she was desperate, her anger slipping, replaced only with heartache.

Aoshi turned. He couldn't bear to see her, couldn't bear to think he was close enough to touch her, not without breaking his firm resolve. He began to walk away.

"Aoshi," the name was crisp, clear. It was said without tears, without desperation, without question. "The reason we were together…was it only because I wanted it?" _Please…prove to me that it's not true._

"Of course not," the answer was short, his vowels clipped. Kaoru sensed anger in his tone. He had not moved, but he had not turned around either.

When Kaoru spoke again, her head was bowed and her eyes shadowed by her raven hair. "Then please…tell me why. Because I don't know anymore. And now you're…" she sniffled. She felt pathetic. She felt useless and hopeless in a way she never had before. Kamiya Kaoru was no pushover! And yet here she was, with seemingly no control over her life. Things were going to change, that she understood. But she never expected they'd change like this.

"Now you're acting like you never wanted me at all." Another sniffle. Another spasm of self-loathing. Her eyes on the floor, waiting.

But her vision jerked up suddenly as she felt hands grab her shoulders, roughly, hungrily, wildly. "There is nothing I want more than to hold you, love you, kiss you, Kaoru."

The reckless _want_ and desire should have scared Kaoru, but it didn't. The ragged, craving way he said her name made her feel lawless and curious. So she stepped closer to him and threaded her fingers through his hair. His arms relaxed and dropped from her shoulders to her waist, holding her gently.

But then the contact was broken as he blinked and shook his head, stepping back from her. "I can't."

She closed the gap between them once again and reached up to touch his brow. He jerked back from her fingers and Kaoru was left standing, one hand raised. She felt as though she was stripped naked, bare. She wanted so much to love him, and his rejection left her shamed.

"I can't," he repeated, looking away.

"You said you wanted to kiss me," Kaoru whispered, her voice cracking with tears. "Why don't you?"

"It wouldn't be right."

Courage rising, Kaoru countered, "It was right yesterday. Why not today?"

"Things have changed," he sighed.

"_Nothing_ has changed," she replied fiercely, her voice remaining quiet. Then it was she who took a step back, considering. "You're scared," she realized, blinking at him.

He said nothing.

"Yes, you are," she continued, as though he had said something to the contrary. Biting her lip, she inquired quietly, "What are you afraid of? Loving me? Marrying me?"

Aoshi finally spoke with the answer. "Failing you."

It was enough to make Kaoru go silent.

"I've failed so many people in my life. Misao, Okina, Naruku, the Oniwabanshuu, Himura…but I can't fail you, Kamiya. I would hate myself if I did. So I'm sorry, but this can never work out. I can never be the man you want me to be," he finished quietly; his eyes on the ground and shrouded by thick black bangs. This was his final decision, his resignation. And it hurt worse than a thousand cold swords.

When Kaoru answered she was not pleading. She was not crying, she was not yelling, she was not arguing. She simply said, "There are two things I want—probably the only two things I have ever wanted, and ever will."

Aoshi raised his eyes to hers because this was the clearest she had spoken since the beginning of their fight.

Because Kaoru had never wanted to impress a point more thoroughly, nor had she ever confessed these desires to anyone before. "The first is to be loved. The second…" she paused. "The second is to never have to be alone again," she finished, looking Aoshi straight in the eye and regarding him carefully.

He could feel his resolve breaking with every breath he took.

"If you love me, and if you'll never leave me, then you are already the man I want you to be." She drew closer again, and this time he did not back away, though his eyes were full of uncertainty. Sighing gently, she leaned her head against his chest and whispered, "I only wanted you…as you are. Just Aoshi."

And then Aoshi knew that Kaoru was too precious to give up. Perhaps she deserved some more wonderful man, one who was perfect in every way. But then, did such a man exist? And if he did…Kaoru had already shown him she wouldn't want him anyway. That what she wanted was Aoshi. Scarred, flawed, hers…_Just Aoshi._

He leaned his cheek against the soft down of her hair and encircled her slender form. "I won't fail you," he said fiercely, clutching her tightly to him. "I won't. Kaoru." _Just Kaoru._

Blushing lightly, Kaoru relaxed in his arms. "Good," she murmured into his neck. "I know you won't."

All the world seemed to pivot on the gentle sway of their bodies as they moved together, forming a bond out of what was once a gap. There was no past, there was no future, there was only _now._

Hours later, as Aoshi and Kaoru lay together in a tangle of sheets, Kaoru voiced her last worry to him.

"Is this a goodbye?" she asked, her words just a puff of air between them.

Aoshi frowned, tracing calloused fingers over Kaoru's flat belly, marveling at how the smooth skin seemed to mimic the moon in paleness. "Why would you say that?" he wondered, looking up at her flushed face.

Kaoru wriggled away enough to comfortably turn on her side. "It's just…you have the Oniwabanshuu in Kyoto, and I have my students here…you came here on a mission, but that mission ended a month ago. I don't mean goodbye forever, but we have different lives and right now—"

He silenced her, touching her lips lightly with his own. "It is true, I have my responsibilities in Kyoto, and you have yours here. But we also have a duty to each other."

"Because we made love?"

Aoshi quirked a lip at her foolishness. "Of course not."

"Oh," Kaoru was silent. "Why then?"

"Because I love you," Aoshi replied silkily. "And I assume you love me, too."

"Oh," she repeated, her face flushing further as she stammered for the right answer. "Oh. Yes, of course I do."

"Then we'll find a way to make it work," Aoshi told her, rubbing her cheek with his thumb affectionately.

"Yeah," Kaoru answered vaguely. "We will."

She was too blissful to even smile, so instead she tucked her head in the crook of Aoshi's neck and curled against him.

It would be difficult, she knew, balancing both their lives and each other. But Kaoru had never been more ready to make something work; she had never been more thrilled to try.

* * *

June arrived, dawning slowly on the residence and students of the Kamiya dojo. The winds of change picked up again, blowing the "Kenshin-gumi" as they lovingly called themselves, slowly but steadily apart. But as this one family dissolved, new ones were formed. 

Within the first week of June Sano and Megumi had vacated their homes in Tokyo, moving far out to Aizu where Megumi continued to strive for the same thing she had been pursuing for years—her family. But now, it held a different meaning, one that included only the tall brown-haired man at her side as well as a little one that, by October, was well on the way.

They had visited since then, so the goodbye was hardly forever. As Sano, optimistically said, "If you want to see someone, just go see them." They always brought news from Aizu, about Megumi's work, or Sano's business, or the little one that they had lovingly dubbed _Jin, _before its sex was even decided.

When prodded for her thoughts on the matter, Megumi would merely smile in secrecy and whisper, "A mother always knows."

Sano swore it would be a baby girl, and, gambler that he was, stuck to that conjecture with the hardheadedness he had become known for.

One thing that _had_ changed about Sano was his penchant for being completely broke. The shipping business was rapidly becoming quite lucrative because of all the new Western influence coming in from America, and while it took Sano away from his wife for several weeks out of the year, it also put them in a state of almost constant cash flow. This change in his freeloading ways was something that everyone had trouble adjusting to, and Naruku jokingly said it was even stranger than Megumi and Sano not living in Tokyo anymore.

And yet, despite that, for months afterward, life at the Kamiya dojo went on almost as usual. Kaoru's students quickly progressed, though none could give Yahiko a run for his money. Yahiko was striving to improve so much, it had almost become an obsession. He consistently challenged Misao, Kenshin, Kaoru and even Soujiro to sparring matches. But Yahiko was also maturing in many ways, and rather than feeling dragged down by Kaoru's students, he was always willing to help out.

Which was why, one hot day in August, Kaoru agreed to teach him the Kamiya Kasshin succession technique. Yahiko was diligent in his practices, and failed to complain under Kaoru's tyrannical thumb. Once she was satisfied with his dedication (as if she hadn't been before) she showed him the move.

For weeks he attempted to copy her movements, raising, crossing, sliding, throwing, but could never get it right. Yahiko had always been good at learning by example—his Hiten Mitsurugi homage moves were testament to that. But he simply couldn't get the succession move right.

Kaoru knew that, to him, learning this was like becoming an adult. It was a major passage in his life. And while it seemed Yahiko wanted nothing more than to be stronger and grow up, the thought was also holding him back.

Realizing that it had to be all or nothing for him to succeed, Kaoru gave him this ultimatum:

"If you can't complete the succession technique tomorrow morning, you can never wield a Kamiya Kasshin sword again," she told him solemnly.

Yahiko took this to heart, and would've practiced all through the night, but he was found in the evening by Aoshi.

"You've been doing it for two weeks," the tall, dark-haired man said. "You know it by now."

Yahiko growled. "But I _don't!_ What if I can't do it? I need to figure it out tonight, I need—"

"You can't push for this. Not this time," Aoshi interrupted. "Be patient. Wait. It will come to you. Enjoy the night, and tomorrow you will succeed. Kaoru has every ounce of faith in you, as does Himura-san."

Hearing this calmed Yahiko. He put his shinai back, and for the rest of the evening, simply sat on the porch, looking up at the stars.

"Are you thinking about tomorrow?" Naruku asked, quietly coming to sit next to him.

Yahiko turned toward her, and she was surprised to see a faint smile on his face. "No," he answered. "I know what I have to do. I'm not worried."

He said this without a trace of conceit. His words, instead, sounded like the hopeful idealism of a child.

"Good," she smiled back. "I'm glad."

The next day in the drill hall, with everyone watching, Yahiko executed the Kamiya Kasshin succession technique without a single flaw. When it was done, Kaoru heaved herself off the floor and strode to him. When she reached him, she knelt down and gave him a rare hug. "I'm so proud of you."

Even more surprising than the embrace was the tear streaking down Kaoru's cheek.

Kaoru would soon find herself with more reasons to cry when two weeks later, Soujiro and Misao left. As they reached the cusp of August, Okina sent word from Kyoto that Misao, as acting Okashira of the Oniwabanshuu, was needed to perform a scouting mission across almost the entire Honshu island of Japan.

A day later, smiling subtly to herself, for she knew the mission was Okina's was of setting her spirit free, Misao and Soujiro set out into the countryside, where they belonged, neither knowing where the winds would blow them next.

Perhaps it was really how they were meant to be, traveling simply in each other's company where they could be truly happy, but it was nevertheless a bittersweet day for those still at the dojo, made more so by Yahiko's pronouncement that he was moving out and into Sano's old flat.

This, he explained cheekily, was to get out of the way of any _goings-on_ at the dojo, and a way to ensure that Kaoru would _finally_ get married like a normal girl. That earned him a couple dozen smacks in the head, but he got his way, and the next week, he was gone from the dojo.

Whenever he was there again, either hanging around in imitation of Sano or actually doing something useful by helping with the students, he often made insinuations that Kenshin and Naruku should find a place of their own, to give them and Kaoru and Aoshi privacy. These remarks were met with several minutes of scuffling and a pain in the morning that could rival a bad hangover for Yahiko.

But Yahiko's continual hints soon bloomed into the truth when, one day early in September, Aoshi and Kaoru were married.

There were exactly seven people in attendance, Tae, Tsubame, Yahiko, Kenshin and Naruku, plus Megumi and Sano who had made the trip down from Aizu just for the occasion.

Kaoru's smile was as infectious as it was luminous that day, spreading her happiness wherever she happened, and making the world smile with her, be it a street vendor in town or the innkeeper that allowed Kaoru and Aoshi stay that night on the way to Kyoto.

Since he had mastered the Kamiya Kasshin, Yahiko was able to take over classes effortlessly. While the students were unhappy about their teacher being taken away by marriage, they were quickly assured she would be back soon. And, Yahiko decided to add cruelly, if they hadn't completed their two new kata by then, she would be angry.

Far from being angry, when Kaoru returned she was ecstatic to start classes again. Though slightly upset that Aoshi stayed behind in Kyoto for three days, it didn't daunt her enthusiasm very much at all, and when Aoshi returned it was painfully obvious to Kenshin and Naruku how _very_ excited they both were about their new marriage.

Still, in the following months Kaoru split her time dutifully between her students and her husband, and he did the same with her and the Oniwabanshuu, only going to Kyoto when absolutely necessary. The time they were apart, Kaoru sulked as little as possible, but their reunions were mighty and made up for the separation. They said they would make things work and they did, entering each day with as much gusto as the last.

Naruku and Kenshin still refrained from moving out. One reason was because they didn't want to have to leave Kaoru all alone in the house, once filled with so many friends, when Aoshi was away. Another reason was that they still hadn't talked about marriage or what was to come. They were in an utter stagnant state, excruciating for those around them, but perfectly comfortable to both Kenshin and Naruku, who enjoyed the simplicity of their lives as they were.

But the changing tides left little alone, and soon Kenshin and Naruku would have to take that last big step.

* * *

The chill of December had long since set in, and, listening to the howls of the wind outside, Naruku was quite content with her situation in the kitchen, sitting on a counter next to the stovetop flame. It had become her custom to sit there during these cold days, occasionally helping Kenshin with the meal he was preparing. 

The rest of the dojo stayed completely empty on these afternoons, for it was one of the rare weeks out of the year that Kaoru accompanied Aoshi to Kyoto instead of remaining behind with her students. So Kenshin and Naruku were left to their own devices, and often that meant simply sitting like this in the kitchen.

"Naruku-dono, you're going to get burned," Kenshin warned, looking up as he chopped up the onions to go into their soup.

Naruku turned her head away from the window where she could see a tree in the yard being violently blown by the wind. "What?" she said hazily. "Oh. Yeah. I'll be careful." She scooted away from the flame of the stove and watched languidly as Kenshin carefully dumped the green onion into the pot. Indeed, several flecks of boiling water jumped out, landing on the counter beside Naruku.

"Will you get the tofu?" Kenshin asked her, without glancing up from his work.

Again, Naruku's attention was elsewhere.

"Naruku-dono? Tofu?" he repeated, this time looking up at her.

She blinked. "Yeah, of course. I'll get it." She slid off the counter, plopping on the floor next to Kenshin, and strode over to where the tofu bucket sat, its contents wriggling and bouncing with her footsteps.

"I think I've decided what to do with it," Naruku declared as she returned.

"The tofu?" Kenshin wondered, taking the bucket from her.

"No, baka," she reprimanded, throwing an irritated look at the redhead. "The money. Remember?"

Of course he did. She was talking about the reward money she had gotten for Enizu's death. It had been a common topic of discussion between the two of them for quite a while, slipping deftly into their conversations from time to time. It was a sizeable amount of money, and the debate of what to do with it had been rolling around in Naruku's head for almost eight months now.

But this was the first time she had ever sounded anywhere close to reaching a conclusion about it.

"What do you want to do?" Kenshin asked, abandoning his soup for the time being and focusing all his energy on Naruku.

She scratched at a grain of wood on the counter idly before replying, "I want to use it to… make a safe place. To give people what you and Kaoru-chan gave me. I want to build the dojo, but bigger. A place for people at the edges of their lives to brush themselves off and start standing on their own two feet. I want to help stop the suffering."

Kenshin was silent after this proclamation, mulling it over in his mind before speaking. "That sounds like a good idea, Naruku. I know it will make you happy, but…in order for that to work, we need to have some source of revenue. The reward money can only start us off."

Naruku was surprised by the use of the word _us._ She knew he would support her with this decision, but he spoke as though he had every intention of going into this project with her—like a partner, or even…she raised her chin, fighting off a blush. "I know that. I haven't quite thought everything through yet, but I keep thinking of when I was a kid, and my dad used to take me to see plays and performances. I thought…" her hasty speaking broke off.

Kenshin knew what her thought was. It was a great risk, unlikely to work, and yet…

Something clicked into place.

"Naruku-dono," he said, his tone now urgent. "I want to show you something."

He walked quickly and purposefully past her and into the hallway. Surprised, Naruku straightened up and followed him. It took her a few seconds to realize that they were heading towards Kenshin's room. She observed silently as Kenshin slid the shoji door open. Hesitant, but curious, Naruku followed him inside.

Kenshin crouched next to the neat stack of futon bedding. From inside one of the many folds, he relinquished a simple black book.

Naruku's eyes widened and a gust of breath escaped her. She recognized the book. Within her first month at the dojo she had gotten that black book on a whim for Kenshin. Now it had fallen back into her life. While it once had been blank with crisp rice pages, it now had ink from cover to cover, the pages wrinkled with use.

Tentatively, Naruku reached out and took it from Kenshin's outstretched hands. "Can I…?"

Kenshin nodded in affirmation, amusement shining in his eyes. "I'll be in the kitchen," he said finally, bowing out of the room and sliding the door shut behind him.

Listening to his footsteps die away, Naruku sat down on the ground and began to read. She poured over it, each character on the page transfixing her. She turned the pages gently, realizing quickly that this was Kenshin's life—it was his life told from his own eyes, written down for hers. From beginning to end, like a story, or a play.

_I don't remember my parent's faces, but every now and then I think I hear their voices…_

She read about his training with Hiko, about meeting Tomoe, about his life as an assassin, though that was brief.

_No matter how far away I am from those days, it still pains me to speak of them._

She read about his year of bliss away from the war, about Tomoe's tragic death, about the Shinsengumi, about his oath, about his wandering.

_There are details I can't remember, but the feeling of numbness was with me for my first years on the road._

And then there was that life-changing event for him, the day he had met Kaoru. Then about his battle in Kyoto, and this was where the details became more vivid, facts more elaborate. With each word, she felt more and more as Kenshin had then. Each victory was hers to claim, each setback hers to overcome.

Her gaze locked onto the ink characters as she read of her own arrival in Kenshin's life. She was so surprised. It seemed so far away, but here it was in front of her.

Putting a hand to her mouth, Naruku swallowed thickly, tears prickling the corners of her eyes. Reading about herself from Kenshin's heart and mind…it was unnerving, but also…elating. It seemed he had loved her almost as long as she had loved him.

_I have come to care about her…more than I can express in words. I don't know what this means, but I know that, when she returns, I will protect her as I have protected everyone in my life. That, I promise._

It was written back when Naruku had left the dojo after the first fight with Enizu…only a little over a year ago.

She closed her eyes briefly before stretching her back and turning to the next page. The destruction of the dojo, battling Nishiwaki's forces, Kaoru's illness, traveling up to Yosai Mountain… these events sprawled on the pages in front of her, reminding her, calling her.

She then reached the confusion before Enizu's return, the determination Kenshin had to protect her, and the grief after, when she had been too mixed-up in herself. She tried not to be ashamed as she read on. A smile lit her face as she reached the telling of their first kiss. Kenshin's words sunk into her, each word like a marble dropped into an endless, clear jar.

And finally…

_December 25_

_Meiji 13_

Today's date.

_The weather outside is storming. The wind is shrieking with its own voice, and the sky is a ghastly color. And yet I know Naruku will look outside and see another adventure, beautiful in its changing course. _

_Everyday with her is its own journey, and this one will never come to an end. But today, I think, we can start on a different path. It's time to change course, and keep moving forward. Today, I know, I will be ready to show her this, my life._

_And I want to know if she will share the rest of it with me._

Naruku looked up. Those were the last words in the whole book. Three blank pages followed them.

She looked back down. The words were the same.

Naruku picked herself off the floor, Kenshin's journal still in hand. She headed to the kitchen, for she was hungry—but not for food. She was hungry for answers.

She strode down the hall quickly, her feet struggling to keep up with her racing thoughts. She slid the door to the kitchen open and stopped.

There stood Kenshin, his back to her, hunched over the counter. His posture was tense, anxious. He turned at the sound of the door, his expression welcoming, warm.

In the doorway, Naruku fought for words. Finally, her voice settled and she said, "Kenshin."

A tear streaked its way down her cheek. Kenshin took in breath as they gazed at each other, touching and communicating just through their eyes.

"Oh, Kenshin," she cried finally. "It's beautiful."

Naruku held up the book and chewed on her knuckle as her vision blurred from warm tears. She wiped them away roughly, unable to stop the onslaught of tears or the assault of sensation in her heart.

He strode forward, closing the distance between them in two steps. His arms encircled her waist, supporting her, holding her intimately.

She wiped more tears with her palm of her hand before throwing her arms around Kenshin's neck, too overwhelmed with compassion and love and the small, selfish knowledge that it had been _her_ who had unleashed Kenshin's book, who had given him a push to write it all down for good.

"It's beautiful," she murmured again.

Kenshin turned his head and caught her lips in an innocent, loving kiss. The book slipped from her grasp as amorous warmth filled Naruku from the pit of her stomach, even as Kenshin broke away.

"Kenshin," Naruku exhaled, her eyes still softly closed. "Did you mean it? Did you mean…what it said…what you wrote today?"

Kenshin's fingers ran the length of Naruku's short brownish hair. "Naruku," he eased, but his tone was serious all the same. "Nothing in that book is a lie. I want to be with you…for good."

His eyes had turned a deep plum, a color she had never seen in them before. Had she been the least bit hesitant in her decision, she would have faltered under such a stare. Instead she let a beatific smile spread across her face, even while tears streaked down her face. It was like seeing the sun during rain.

And quietly, though her whole body was shaking, she knelt down and picked the book off the floor, offering it to Kenshin, her eyes never leaving his.

Without a word, he took it, and flipped to the end, where his last entry was.

And below it, a simple two word answer. _Yes._ And also, _forever._

The black book dropped between them and this time it was she who moved forward, stepping over it and sweeping Kenshin into a fervently passionate kiss. Behind their entwined bodies, Kenshin's book lay open, forgotten for the moment as its creator and his muse shared the beginning of the rest of their lives.

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Part One--_end_

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A/N: I am going to try to finish some chapters of other fics before I move on to part two of this one. But when the next chapter does come out, this fic will be getting somewhat of a makeover. New summary and new pairing category (Aoshi/Kaoru) so look out for that.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, as sappy as it was, and that you'll stick around for part two, coming soon I hope.


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